Temptations.

Once a month–always on a Saturday–some of my girlfriends and I get together to drink, have lunch, and play cards. Yesterday was the date of our September gathering, and I woke up this morning feeling some guilt about my food consumption yesterday. Whether or not the guilt is warranted is still up in the air, but I feel it, nonetheless.

These ladies that I get together with are some of my closest friends, so I actually did tell them that I started Weight Watchers. Aside from my parents, these gals are the only folks that know me in “real life” that happen to know I’m embarking upon a serious journey. Because I was up front with them, they decided to help make it easier for me to enjoy myself food-wise. Instead of wine, we’d drink lemon water. Instead of Chex mix, we’d snack on raw veggies and light salad dressing. Instead of pizza, we’d have salad. Instead of some sugary dessert, I’d make a Weight Watchers dessert.

I walked into this situation thinking I’d be okay, and, for the most part, I was, but my day wasn’t perfect. I brought my Weight Watchers dessert, the hostess swapped out our traditional snacks for a gorgeous fresh veggie platter and an array of light dressings for dip, and we drank lemon water all day long… Where things seemed to fall apart was in the salad department.

One of the girls decided to make the salad, which I originally thought was going to be a great idea because homemade salad is usually much healthier than store-bought or restaurant-bought because there aren’t any hidden fatty oils or any other sludge that’s added in to increase calories, fat, and/or carbs. When she showed up with the salad, though, I knew my day was going to be blown point-wise. The salad consisted of lettuce, regular cheese (as opposed to the non-fat/reduced-fat cheese I’ve been consuming on my own), hard boiled eggs, bacon, Frito corn chips, and homemade dressing that was composed of mayo, milk, vinegar, and both white and brown sugar. She didn’t even give me the chance or the option to pass on that sugary sweet dressing either–she actually coated the entire salad with the dressing before I had a chance to ask if I could swap it out for something a bit healthier. When I saw the salad, when she told me what was in it, and when she took away my power to control even a little bit of my health consciousness, I was disappointed, to say the least.

I took a chance and branched out of my comfort zone in order to tell these ladies about my weight loss journey–something that was incredibly hard for me. The fact that this woman–who is one of my dearest friends–blatantly disregarded my dietary concerns and turned right around and prepared a salad that was likely just as bad health-wise as our traditional pizza made me a bit upset. I think she knew it, too. When she saw the look on my face, she said, “Yeah, I know… all of this is basically filled with stuff you can’t have, huh?”

Uhm, yeah. Basically…

The next part of the story is where the guilt comes in… Even though I had massive concerns about this food, and even though I had absolutely no idea (and no way of finding out later) what the nutritional information of the salad was, I ate it anyways. I threw caution to the wind and had about 2 1/2 cups of it, give or take. The salad was so, so, so good, and as I was eating it, I even made the comment to the girls that something that tasted so good was bound to be so bad for you.

The sugary sweetness of that salad was a warning, but I gave in to temptation, and I ate it anyways.

The guilt was immediate, and I just couldn’t shake the feeling of disappointment. It stuck with me all day and has now seeped over into my morning. I tried to rationally look at the situation, but rationality isn’t working so well. I wrote off the salad yesterday as a solid 20 Weight Watchers points–that’s what I tracked it as. I have no idea if that’s a close value, but after researching some fast food salads and getting their point and nutritional values, I figured 20 points was a good ballpark number. If, in fact, that was a good number, then I still managed to come in under my overall point goal yesterday. I also have 49 “extra” points to use each week for “splurging” — points that, thus far, I haven’t touched during my 3 weeks on Weight Watchers. Also, I can get what’s called “active points” throughout the week–points that I can earn that are added to my weekly numbers when I exercise. All of these factors rationally mean that having a few cups of this salad isn’t going to kill me… but I still feel so terrible about it, and I just can’t shake these feelings of disappointment and guilt!

I didn’t binge. I didn’t eat myself into a frenzy and push the limits until I was sick. None of that happened. Yet, it still feels like a major setback.

I suppose the only thing I can do is just push forward and make sure that the rest of my week is okay. Hopefully the scale doesn’t take a turn in the wrong direction when I weigh-in on Friday.

~//~

On a better, lighter note, I’ve decided to order some fitness DVDs to help with my exercise goals. I’ve decided to purchase The Biggest Loser boot camp video and The Biggest Loser weight loss yoga video. I have been wanting to try yoga for ages, but I haven’t been willing to go to a class because of my size and because of my inability to move my body in ways that thinner people can. I am hoping that starting out with these home workout DVDs is going to give me the confidence and beginners’ training I need to get moving. If I have some success with the DVDs, maybe I’ll eventually be comfortable enough to go to an actual class.

~//~

So, that’s what’s going on.

Wish me luck with the rest of my week, and let’s hope that my food guilt subsides and doesn’t affect my eating choices today.

rachaelxoxo

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10 thoughts on “Temptations.

  1. You are trying the best you can. There is no need to feel guilty about it, you even compensated with the points. I think you did okay. Failure is not falling down, failure is not getting up to start again. Hang in there, tomorrow will be better.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! I sincerely look forward to your comments, Deborah! You are always so kind and your posts are filled with encouragement! It’s really nice to come on here and hear from you!

      I have done much worse things in the past when it comes to overindulging, so, to be honest, I’m not sure why this bothered me so much! I just don’t want the scale to go in the wrong direction–that’s what I’m most worried about. I did well with my points and food consumption yesterday, though, so I am hoping that, like you said, my week is just going to keep getting better from here on out!

      🙂

      Like

  2. The Biggest Loser’s Weight Loss Yoga DVD is one of my all-time FAVORITE workout DVDs!! It is not your average stretch-and-feel-good yoga; it is kick-your-butt yoga! I haven’t yet attempted it this time around. I’ve been working through some other routines first, trying to build up my strength and endurance before I jump back into that. I hope you love it as much as I do! Bob Harper is so wonderful.

    As for your indulgence: the best thing you can do is track it and move forward, just as you have been. I still remember the first time I ever embarked on a huge weight loss journey: about a month or so in, I had a major, MAJOR craving for something, anything bad for me. I drove to Burger King and got a Double Whopper with cheese and bacon and drove to an empty church parking lot off a back road to shame-eat it. I felt so much guilt doing it, but it also tasted really, really good, and it was satisfying. As I was eating it, I kept telling myself: “Tomorrow is a new day. This is not the end. You can have this one thing and not ruin everything. Enjoy this.” It was one of the best lessons I ever learned. I have carried that moment with me for the past 5 years. One day doesn’t have to ruin everything. If you allow one day to turn into forever, that is a different story.

    I’m not sure what your friend’s intentions were, but I would have been extremely upset by her “salad.” It seems like a blatant attempt at sabotage to me, but I don’t know her or the situation. The one thing I do want to say about the reaction to this is that I don’t want you to think of food as something that you “can’t” have. I hate when people ask me what foods I can and can’t eat. I CAN eat whatever the heck I want! I think that when we start limiting ourselves and restricting ourselves, we are setting ourselves up for failure. For me, personally, when I think something is off-limits, that makes it that much more appealing. The rebel in me comes out!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi, Alison! Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment!

      I am so excited to hear that you love the yoga DVD! That’s good to know because I haven’t heard anyone say much about it. I watched a few YouTube videos about some weight loss yoga success stories (whether or not they used this same DVD, I don’t know), but so many people navigating weight loss journeys really seem to be into yoga! So I’m excited and I hope it does kick my butt! I want to sweat and maybe relieve some stress at the same time! Is the DVD fairly self-explanatory? I am a total and complete yoga novice… I don’t even know where to begin! I am hoping it won’t be too difficult to figure out!

      My indulgence just was what it was, but, to be honest, I have felt so off this week; I’m honestly dreading my weigh-in. I haven’t been eating horribly or anything, but I’ve noticed that I’ve been really, really hungry this week. I used to be a big-time midnight snacker, but I gave up the midnight snacking awhile ago–even before I started WW. The past couple of days, I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night starving, though, and I just don’t know why. Also, ever since the salad disaster on Saturday, there have been temptations around every corner, it seems.

      I keep coming in under my daily point allowance, but the problem is that what I’m eating while I’m doing that (at least this week!) hasn’t been stellar. Like today, for example: I had a bag of Miss Vickie’s salt & vinegar chips for 6 points. I wanted the chips so badly and I figured since it was a single size bag and, thus, portion controlled that I’d be okay eating the chips. I get a daily allowance of 50 points, and even after eating those chips I still came in under my allowance at only 36.

      So I don’t know. I just feel off this week and I know that the scale is probably going to reflect that on Friday. I think I need to stop in and talk with my leader and see if I can figure out what to do to get back on track. My mind isn’t where it should be.

      As for my friend potentially sabotaging me: it’s possible. She didn’t seem very sorry about making the salad, and she knew going into it that I was trying to make healthier choices. I know that I technically can have whatever I want and that that’s supposed to be the draw of WW–that you can eat what you want so long as you control yourself–but I also know that I’m not going to continue to lose weight by eating chips and a bunch of other crud, ya know?

      It’s hard. You don’t get to be over 300 pounds by making great choices, and old habits are hard to break.

      Thanks again for your comment–I really appreciate your kind words and your wisdom! ❤

      Like

  3. Allison, that is exactly how I am! After 40 years of diets I got burned out. When I cried out to God, He instructed me that I could eat anything, but no snacks for 40 days. Then after I succeeded at that, He said, “Now cut your food in half” and that has worked for me. I eat anything, just half. So far 62 pounds lost since May 2013. Praise God!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I feel like a once a month meeting isn’t guilt worthy as long as you stay on track before and after! It might actually help revive your metabolism, which slows as you eat less.

    All you can do is move on today, so don’t let the guilt monster destroy you! Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your comment!

      I’ve let the guilt monster control too much of my week. My mind hasn’t been in the right place since Saturday. I just really, really need to focus and get back on track!

      I didn’t actually know that your metabolism slows when you eat less. That’s a good thing to keep in mind.

      I am not using all of my allotted WW points daily–I usually have 10 or more points to spare each day. Perhaps I need to eat a little bit more… maybe that’s why I’ve been so hungry this week and maybe that’s why I feel so out of it!

      Hmm. I guess we’ll see what happens at weigh-in on Friday!

      Like

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