Starting Weight: 318.2 lbs.
Weight Last Week: 292.4 lbs.
Current Weight: 289.6 lbs.
Weekly Change: –2.8 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 28.6 lbs.
As I’m writing this post, I’m in an incredibly weird mood. I’m super emotional…. I had a bad morning.
Prior to attending my Weight Watchers meeting/weekly weigh-in, my dad and I exchanged some heated words (which shouldn’t have even happened since we were merely supposed to be having a quick chat about the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday), and after calling me a few choice names (most—but not all—revolving around my weight, of course) and shouting that “it’s not like you’re getting that much skinnier” [being on Weight Watchers] to me, as well, I was in a foul mood. Half of the drive to my meeting was spent in tears (which was horribly unsafe—I definitely don’t recommend driving while crying!).
The thing is, it’s hard enough to deal with the outside opinions that I often hear—the opinions of people who I see on the street or people that I have to interact with through work or school that can’t see past what’s on the outside and refuse to assign me any value other than just the usual write off as another fat girl. It’s also tough to deal with my own voice sometimes, too—the voice that tells me that what the rest of the world sees and thinks about me is right and that this is all a waste (this is the same voice, too, by the way, that screams at me that I should be eating pizza and double cheeseburgers when things feel this out of control since food is, of course, a great way to retain some control over my own life).
My point is, I don’t need the voices of my own family to add to the rest of the negativity. I don’t need to listen to my dad make atrocious comments and insinuate that my weight isn’t falling off fast enough. 11 weeks ago, I weighed 318.2 pounds. Today, I weigh 289.6 pounds. I think that’s actually pretty great, and, personally, I hadn’t even expected to lose this much so soon. I’m sorry that I couldn’t manage to drop 50+ pounds in 2.5 months, but it is what it is. Since all of this is coming from a man who definitely weighs more than me (and weighs more than I ever have!), I don’t think he should feel so confident in saying these things to me…
I was certain that all of that negativity was going to ruin my day, but then I arrived at Weight Watchers and saw the friendly, familiar faces that have worked hard to cheer me on for the past 11 weeks, and I felt marginally better. Then I stepped on the scale to be weighed, and suddenly the tears started flowing again for a whole new reason: I weigh 289.6 pounds. I have never, throughout the course of my “adult” life, been this weight. Ever. For the longest time, I avoided hopping on the scale to check my weight, so, to be real with you, there’s a good chance I was never even this weight as a teenager. I mean, maybe I weighed this much around age 14/15 or so, but I can’t guarantee it. What I can guarantee, though, is that from age 18 and beyond, I certainly have never been in the 280s.
This was such a milestone day for me, and I didn’t realize beforehand that it would be. I’ve been so focused on getting down to my 10% goal (which I’m now only 2.4 pounds away from, by the way!) that I didn’t even stop to think about the fact that I was entering into uncharted territory here—really exciting uncharted territory, at that!
I honestly can’t believe that I’ve done this. It’s still an absolute shock to me.
And now I’m just sort of sitting here, trying to take it all in. I’m trying to mentally deal with the half of my brain that’s still horribly upset over what my father said to me this morning and with the other half that is incredibly overwhelmed and excited over my weight loss.
It’s a strange, strange battle that’s raging between my emotions at the moment.
This Thursday, November 27, 2014, also just so happens to be Thanksgiving Day, too (for myself and all of my American friends, that is). Mixed in with the rest of the emotions I’m feeling today, a huge part of me is also feeling anxious about the upcoming holiday, too. I managed to do well on Halloween because I’m not a girl that’s big on sweets, but I’m not so sure how I’m going to fare on this holiday—the one holiday that’s entirely centered around food. Will I be able to remember to work on my portion control? Will my willpower be strong enough? Have I really learned, over the course of the past 11 weeks, to say no? Will I be able to resist the pull of my enabling family—the family that doesn’t care about my health goals and sees no problem in me overindulging as long as it’s “just one day”?
I think so. I hope so.
My goal for this week is short, sweet, and to the point: don’t overindulge on Thanksgiving! I am giving myself one rule: I can eat whatever I want, so long as it all fits on my dinner plate without touching and without being piled sky high. I get to have one plate of food—of whatever I want—as long as it’s portioned that way. If I can stick to that, I know I will be just fine. I am also making a Weight Watchers Pumpkin Pie that’s 5 PointsPlus per piece and a Weight Watchers Strawberry Banana Pie that’s 4 PointsPlus per piece. I figure I can choose a full portion of one or the other (depending on my mood), or I can have a half portion of both pies—either of which decision is a good one, I think.
That’s my plan, and if I can achieve that, I will be happy. I will be weighing-in the following day on Black Friday, and if I can somehow manage to lose 2.4 pounds by then, I’ll have officially reached my 10% goal, too.
Here’s to hoping.
I wish each and every one of you a wonderful week, and to my fellow Americans—just incase I don’t write before then—I also hope you have an absolutely lovely Thanksgiving holiday.
Eat well. Be well.