289.6

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Starting Weight: 318.2 lbs.
Weight Last Week: 292.4 lbs.
Current Weight: 289.6 lbs.
Weekly Change: –2.8 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 28.6 lbs.

~//~

Hi, friends!

As I’m writing this post, I’m in an incredibly weird mood. I’m super emotional…. I had a bad morning.

Prior to attending my Weight Watchers meeting/weekly weigh-in, my dad and I exchanged some heated words (which shouldn’t have even happened since we were merely supposed to be having a quick chat about the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday), and after calling me a few choice names (most—but not all—revolving around my weight, of course) and shouting that “it’s not like you’re getting that much skinnier” [being on Weight Watchers] to me, as well, I was in a foul mood. Half of the drive to my meeting was spent in tears (which was horribly unsafe—I definitely don’t recommend driving while crying!).

The thing is, it’s hard enough to deal with the outside opinions that I often hear—the opinions of people who I see on the street or people that I have to interact with through work or school that can’t see past what’s on the outside and refuse to assign me any value other than just the usual write off as another fat girl. It’s also tough to deal with my own voice sometimes,  too—the voice that tells me that what the rest of the world sees and thinks about me is right and that this is all a waste (this is the same voice, too, by the way, that screams at me that I should be eating pizza and double cheeseburgers when things feel this out of control since food is, of course, a great way to retain some control over my own life).

My point is, I don’t need the voices of my own family to add to the rest of the negativity. I don’t need to listen to my dad make atrocious comments and insinuate that my weight isn’t falling off fast enough. 11 weeks ago, I weighed 318.2 pounds. Today, I weigh 289.6 pounds. I think that’s actually pretty great, and, personally, I hadn’t even expected to lose this much so soon. I’m sorry that I couldn’t manage to drop 50+ pounds in 2.5 months, but it is what it is. Since all of this is coming from a man who definitely weighs more than me (and weighs more than I ever have!), I don’t think he should feel so confident in saying these things to me…

I was certain that all of that negativity was going to ruin my day, but then I arrived at Weight Watchers and saw the friendly, familiar faces that have worked hard to cheer me on for the past 11 weeks, and I felt marginally better. Then I stepped on the scale to be weighed, and suddenly the tears started flowing again for a whole new reason: I weigh 289.6 pounds. I have never, throughout the course of my “adult” life, been this weight. Ever. For the longest time, I avoided hopping on the scale to check my weight, so, to be real with you, there’s a good chance I was never even this weight as a teenager. I mean, maybe I weighed this much around age 14/15 or so, but I can’t guarantee it. What I can guarantee, though, is that from age 18 and beyond, I certainly have never been in the 280s.

This was such a milestone day for me, and I didn’t realize beforehand that it would be. I’ve been so focused on getting down to my 10% goal (which I’m now only 2.4 pounds away from, by the way!) that I didn’t even stop to think about the fact that I was entering into uncharted territory here—really exciting uncharted territory, at that!

I honestly can’t believe that I’ve done this. It’s still an absolute shock to me.

And now I’m just sort of sitting here, trying to take it all in. I’m trying to mentally deal with the half of my brain that’s still horribly upset over what my father said to me this morning and with the other half that is incredibly overwhelmed and excited over my weight loss.

It’s a strange, strange battle that’s raging between my emotions at the moment.

~//~

This Thursday, November 27, 2014, also just so happens to be Thanksgiving Day, too (for myself and all of my American friends, that is). Mixed in with the rest of the emotions I’m feeling today, a huge part of me is also feeling anxious about the upcoming holiday, too. I managed to do well on Halloween because I’m not a girl that’s big on sweets, but I’m not so sure how I’m going to fare on this holiday—the one holiday that’s entirely centered around food. Will I be able to remember to work on my portion control? Will my willpower be strong enough? Have I really learned, over the course of the past 11 weeks, to say no? Will I be able to resist the pull of my enabling family—the family that doesn’t care about my health goals and sees no problem in me overindulging as long as it’s “just one day”?

I think so. I hope so.

~//~

My goal for this week is short, sweet, and to the point: don’t overindulge on Thanksgiving! I am giving myself one rule: I can eat whatever I want, so long as it all fits on my dinner plate without touching and without being piled sky high. I get to have one plate of food—of whatever I want—as long as it’s portioned that way. If I can stick to that, I know I will be just fine. I am also making a Weight Watchers Pumpkin Pie that’s 5 PointsPlus per piece and a Weight Watchers Strawberry Banana Pie that’s 4 PointsPlus per piece. I figure I can choose a full portion of one or the other (depending on my mood), or I can have a half portion of both pies—either of which decision is a good one, I think.

That’s my plan, and if I can achieve that, I will be happy. I will be weighing-in the following day on Black Friday, and if I can somehow manage to lose 2.4 pounds by then, I’ll have officially reached my 10% goal, too.

Here’s to hoping.

~//~

I wish each and every one of you a wonderful week, and to my fellow Americans—just incase I don’t write before then—I also hope you have an absolutely lovely Thanksgiving holiday.

Eat well. Be well.

rachaelxoxo

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19 thoughts on “289.6

  1. Congratulations on your huge milestone, that’s so exciting!!!! I’m so sorry about that phone call. Hold onto the knowledge that everyone at your meetings and everyone here is rooting you on, and is proud of how far you’ve come! 30 pounds is an amazing accomplishment and I know you’ll continue to be successful! I can’t wait to get to my lowest adult weight (I have about 30 pounds to go), that’s my next goal that I’m super excited about! Best luck to you on Thanksgiving, I’m really interested to see how well I can stick to my plan. I don’t want to get down on myself if it doesn’t go the way I hope, but it will certainly be a huge win if I can do it and a good test of how far I’ve come. I really like the one plate not piled on idea, I think I might do that too! Happy Thanksgiving!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! It really does mean the world to me that all of you lovely people here on WP are cheering me on, too—right alongside my WW meeting group. I’ve been saying all along that a huge part of my success is thanks to the audience of this blog and my WW meetings! Without those outlets, I think I’d have given up weeks ago. You guys are amazing!

      Compared to other folks at my WW meeting, I’m losing weight semi-fast. Compared to some people on here, I’m losing moderately slow. And compared to yet still others on here, I’m losing at about an average speed. It’s sort of a toss up, I guess! I probably could lose more each week if I found more time to obsessively workout and I skimped some more on my food, but that’s not the healthy way of doing this, so I’m not going to. My 30 lbs. is good enough for me right now, and it’s going to have to be good for everyone else, too. I’m glad that for most people it is!

      I know you will drop that next 30 lbs. and reach your goal soon, and I am excited for you to do so! It’s an incredibly great feeling to stand on the scale and realize that, as an adult, you’re the “smallest” you’ve ever been. 🙂

      I actually got that whole plate idea from my WW leader. That was what she suggested to me last week, and she reiterated it again today, so I’ve decided to go with it. This is a lifetime commitment I’m making to eat healthier, and Thanksgiving happens once a year, so, obviously, this is something I’m absolutely going to have to learn to deal with. Being able to eat whatever I want as long as it’s portioned well is a good way to be “normal,” I think. So that’s what I’m going to do! 🙂

      Best of luck to you, too; I am sure you will do just great with your plan!

      Happy Thanksgiving!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t let ANYONE make you feel less than you are, especially family. Just know that everyone here is supporting you all the way. You’ve done so, so well and your journey is fantastic. I hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Having gotten some weird behavior from my mother this year regarding my own weight loss (she is a bariatric patient from ’02 & my father is an entirely, other, difficult, douchebaggy subject), I’d say some of, if not most of, your fathers reaction is coming out of jealousy. YOU are doing it and quite well, I might add. You are getting yourself together in ways he probably can’t wrap his brain around right now.

    It takes a lot of courage to get down and dirty with yourself about health/weight issues. To sit there and be real about how and why this happened, to really realize you’ve not been taking care of yourself all these years and suddenly feeling apologetic toward your body for what its been through is hard to do. To turn it around, own it and commit to doing good for yourself takes a tremendous amount of bravery and dedication and is to be commended.

    My mother seems to emit jealousy that I have been able to get rid of weight and inches the old fashioned way. I can’t explain it, it’s in her eyes and a vibe she gives off. I’ve accepted it and talk to her about everything except my weight loss unless she asks. I have a sneaking suspicion perhaps your pops is envious of your courage and more so your dedication to yourself – things he’d ultimately like to do for himself but feels like he can’t.

    Sit back and keep your pretty chin up, lady. Soon you will be his inspiration.

    Congratulations on your milestone! Your hard work is paying off!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks so much, B! Your support means the world!

      It’s weird to think of the idea that he could be jealous. Honestly, he doesn’t seem like the type. Growing up, my dad was totally indifferent to his weight AND to mine. He eats when he’s not hungry (like a lot of us do/did), and he eats vast quantities of food—sometimes enough to feed two or three people, honestly.

      When I started making changes in my own life, I decided to try to talk to him about maybe making some in his, too. He carries all of his weight in his stomach, and I’ve heard that that’s one of the worst places to carry it. If your weight is all in your stomach, you’re at a greater risk of developing diabetes and heart disease, among other things. My dad just turned 54 a week ago, and I want him around longer. I don’t want him dying prematurely of a heart attack just because he can’t stop eating Baconators and Big Macs.

      If we’re eating together, my dad will eat what I’m eating (which, thankfully, is going to be the case on Thanksgiving!), but he’ll eat much more than an appropriate serving, and if he’s eating anywhere else but with me, you can forget making a healthier choice. It makes me sad that he doesn’t care about his health at all, and it also makes me sad that he doesn’t care about mine in great detail either. He’s always encouraged me to eat too much, and he still does. He thinks the key to a happy life is getting enjoyment from things—food being something everyone should definitely enjoy.

      He’s a good guy in spite of what he said here… This is just a touchy subject all around, I guess. Subconsciously, I guess I kind of thought that I couldn’t do this—that I can’t actually lose the 150 pounds I need to lose. And it just sucks when someone important to you reiterates that in one way or another….

      We’re all on our own paths, though. I have to let him make his own choices, even if those choices might end up killing him. I know just as well as you do that the choice to do better has to be one you make on your own.

      Thanks so much for always swooping in to offer your support and your thoughts! It’s much appreciated. ❤

      Happy Thanksgiving, B! 😀

      Like

  4. I agree with pbandjax. Your Dad may be jealous . We all think you are doing great! I’m proud of you!

    I also like your plan for Thanksgiving Day . You are going to do just fine, you’ll see.

    Wouldn’t it be interesting if your Dad apologized?
    Praying for you,
    Deborah Crocker

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for always thinking of me and supporting me and being so willing to pray for me, Deborah! That means more to me than you’ll ever know! ❤

      I'm not sure whether or not my dad is jealous. That's a hard thought to wrap my mind around. He doesn't really seem like the type!

      My dad also isn't the type to apologize. The most I'm going to get from him is what I got yesterday, which was him letting me know that he and my mom are going to do their best to make the Thanksgiving meal WW-friendly for me. They are going to buy and make healthier food this year. That's an apology in its own right, I suppose. 🙂

      My one-plate-whatever plan for Thanksgiving was inspired by my WW leader. I think I'm capable of doing it. I sure hope I am!

      Do you have big plans for Thanksgiving? Are you worried at all about overindulging? If so, I wish you the best of luck! Know that I'll be thinking of you and hoping whatever plans you have survive the food-based holiday. 🙂

      Like

  5. Wow, congratulations on another hugely successful week! You must be absolutely delighted. I’m happy for you.

    That must have been a pretty emotional day, going from your dad’s comments to your weigh-in. How should you deal with that? Well, one thing I’ve learned is that we can’t control how everyone else behaves. You might influence your dad’s future behaviour, but there will be other people who are just as negative and you can’t control them all. So what you have to do is learn to control yourself, to control your reaction to those people.

    In short, you have to learn to let it go. It’s not relevant what they say or do, so you shouldn’t let it become relevant. What’s relevant is what you’re doing and what you’re achieving, and that’s what you should focus on.

    What you’re doing, what you’re really, really doing, is successfully losing weight, and you’ve maintained that so far for ten weeks. That is a great achievement. And the result is that you’ve lost more than two stone in weight. That’s a great achievement too. What you’re achieving is really fantastic. Don’t you ever lose sight of that, even if other people can’t see it. Remember, you’re doing this for you, not for anyone else. A lot of people don’t succeed. You are succeeding and you deserve your success. You’ve earned it. You’ve already shown us that you can do this, because you are doing this.

    You deserve to feel good about it, and I hope you do. Never give up!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for always showing up to encourage me! It means so much to me to be on the receiving end of your kindness and support! 🙂

      You’re absolutely right, though—I can’t control how anyone else behaves… but sometimes I wish I could! I think that all of you that read my blog can empathize with me. I am sure that, at one point or another, everyone has experienced someone saying something negative to try to get them off track or simply make them believe that this can’t be done, but that’s obviously not true since, collectively, everyone in this weight loss blogging community has lost a substantial amount of weight! Someday soon I am going to go and look up every one of my followers’ stats and tally up our collective weight loss. I bet the end result of that will be amazing!

      Honestly, I am happy with my almost-30lb. loss. I’ve never lost this much weight consecutively and within such a short timeframe, so, like you said, that, in and of itself, is a definite success. I have a substantial amount of weight to lose still, but I’ve made a good start of it, at least! 🙂

      So I do believe that this is possible. Thankfully, I get to read so many great blogs each week—blogs like yours! I see you losing weight successfully, and I also see others doing it, so I know that it’s possible. We’re all in this together.

      Thanks for always reminding me to keep pushing forward! Your thoughts are always appreciated here 🙂

      I hope you have a lovely week!

      Like

  6. I can’t believe I missed this when you first posted it! I am seriously, seriously slacking in my blogging 🙂

    You deserve to feel good. I know what it can be like to get negative feedback from someone who really matters to you. Keep doing what you’re doing and prove him wrong!

    By the way, last week, we were within 0.2 lbs of each other. This week, you blew me out of the water! Good job 🙂 As always, I am so, so proud of you, and you should be proud too! Stay positive, and stay the course! We are in this together.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s OK! I am just now realizing that I missed your weigh-in last week, so I’m two weeks behind with you! I will head over to your blog to read about your last couple of weeks as soon as I finish this comment 🙂

    But thank you so much, Alison, for being so supportive of me and for being proud of me! I feel a special connection to your story since we’re fairly close to the same age and we’re just a few pounds within each other weight-wise. When I read your blogs and your comments here on my blog, I really do believe that we’re in this together. I appreciate your kindness more than you know. ❤

    I have had a good week food-wise, so I have managed to push through the negativity, I think. Now I just need to get through Thanksgiving! 😉

    I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, and if you have specific goals you've set food-wise for that day, I hope you meet them. I am sure that you will! I believe in you!

    Like

    • I always look forward to your posts and comments! Your compassion and support mean a lot to me 🙂

      Thanks for the Thanksgiving wishes! Today, I shared your one-plate tip with a friend at work who is just starting out on this journey, and I believe he really appreciated it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Likewise! 🙂

        And that’s awesome! I’m glad you passed on the tip! I think we all would like to just feel “normal” during the holidays, and that’s what the one-plate idea does for me—it makes me feel like I’m a regular person just like anyone else and not someone who has to sit at the table with a measuring cup and my WW etools opened up to my tracking app.

        Like

  8. Pingback: Thanksgiving. | My Journey–One Day at a Time

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