Starting Weight: 318.2 lbs.
Weight Last Week: 289.6 lbs.
Current Weight: 288.4 lbs.
Weekly Change: –1.2 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 29.8 lbs.
So today is the day that I’d hoped to reach my 10% goal (a weight of 287.2 lbs.). However, I fell short of reaching that weight by 1.2 lbs., and you know what? I am totally and completely OK with that!
I blogged yesterday about my Thanksgiving dinner, which was, in my eyes, an absolute success. I’ve heard lots of people talk about “non-scale victories” before, and that’s what yesterday was for me. I ate—for the most part—like a normal person without obsessively measuring out my food and counting points in my head and worrying about every single BLT (bite, lick, and taste). I was full once I’d finished eating, but not overly full like I always seemed to be on holidays past. I was able to have two glasses of wine and eat a piece of pie—all without going over my daily point allowance and without losing control and feeling guilty.
Yes, I would’ve liked to have reached my 10% goal today, but some things are more important than the number on the scale. And, aside from that, a loss is a loss! I want the weight to come off—that’s my main focus. Another 1.2 lbs. gone is much better than another plateau or gain. Progress is progress, no matter how small it may seem. Plus, I was one of very, very few at my Weight Watchers meeting to actually lose this week. Since it was a holiday, the majority of people had a gain. Honestly, a ton of the regulars didn’t even bother to show up for the meeting and/or to get weighed, and of those of us that did, only 4 of us had a loss, so I’m chalking this week up as one big victory.
Something that’s really been on my mind the past couple of days is exercise. I know that I could be doing more exercise. I’ve got the time to do more exercise, but I haven’t been motivating myself to actually do it. More than anything, I’d really like to join a gym. I’d like to be able to go to the gym instead of just doing home workouts so that I can use a variety of machines instead of sticking with the very basic stuff I’ve been doing on my own at home (which consists of walking my dog and using the elliptical).
The problem is, I’m terrified to actually walk into a gym. I am still a very large woman. I weigh 288.4 lbs.–I am obviously not in tip-top shape yet. I am afraid of what people might say to me or how they might look at me if I were to go to a gym, and I’m also afraid of embarrassing myself by trying to do something my body isn’t ready to do yet. I know that people always say “no one cares what you’re doing at the gym; everyone is there to work on their own issues,” but I think that that’s only partially true.
I don’t think I’ve ever been anywhere where someone didn’t look at me for being overweight. It’s human nature. People are rude sometimes without even consciously knowing that they’re rude. Sometimes facial expressions aren’t controlled quickly enough, and I know exactly what’s being thought about me—I can see it written all over a person’s face.
The day I got my driver’s license when I was 16, a little girl—who was probably about 4—said to her mother, as loudly as she could in front of everyone, “she is way too big; look at how fat she is!” as she looked over at me and pointed. I was humiliated.
My point is, not everyone at the gym is going to be kind, and someone could very well say something to me or give me a look of disgust or whatever, and I don’t know yet whether or not I can handle that. I don’t know that if a stranger were to say something to me I could let it go and not let it get in the way of my success.
Does that mean I’m not ready for the gym yet?
I don’t know… I’m thinking maybe that’ll be my New Year’s Resolution. I’m not typically great about sticking to my resolutions, but maybe 2015 will be different. After all, I’ve already done what I once thought was impossible: I’ve gotten my eating under control. If I can do that, I can probably stick to a plan to workout, too.
I turn 22 exactly one month from today, and I’m really looking forward to it. I am a healthier, happier person these days, and I hope that that’s going to reflect what the 22nd year of my life is going to be like. I hope I’m just going to continue to get healthier and happier in the coming year.
I don’t really have a specific goal for the week—mainly my plan is to just stay on course so that I can definitely hit my 10% goal next week. I know that that’ll be possible as long as I’m dedicated.
I hope you all have a fantastic week.
Eat well. Be well.