288.4

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Starting Weight: 318.2 lbs.
Weight Last Week: 289.6 lbs.
Current Weight: 288.4 lbs.
Weekly Change: –1.2 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 29.8 lbs.


Hi, all!

So today is the day that I’d hoped to reach my 10% goal (a weight of 287.2 lbs.). However, I fell short of reaching that weight by 1.2 lbs., and you know what? I am totally and completely OK with that!

I blogged yesterday about my Thanksgiving dinner, which was, in my eyes, an absolute success. I’ve heard lots of people talk about “non-scale victories” before, and that’s what yesterday was for me. I ate—for the most part—like a normal person without obsessively measuring out my food and counting points in my head and worrying about every single BLT (bite, lick, and taste). I was full once I’d finished eating, but not overly full like I always seemed to be on holidays past. I was able to have two glasses of wine and eat a piece of pie—all without going over my daily point allowance and without losing control and feeling guilty.

I’m happy.

Yes, I would’ve liked to have reached my 10% goal today, but some things are more important than the number on the scale. And, aside from that, a loss is a loss! I want the weight to come off—that’s my main focus. Another 1.2 lbs. gone is much better than another plateau or gain. Progress is progress, no matter how small it may seem. Plus, I was one of very, very few at my Weight Watchers meeting to actually lose this week. Since it was a holiday, the majority of people had a gain. Honestly, a ton of the regulars didn’t even bother to show up for the meeting and/or to get weighed, and of those of us that did, only 4 of us had a loss, so I’m chalking this week up as one big victory.


Something that’s really been on my mind the past couple of days is exercise. I know that I could be doing more exercise. I’ve got the time to do more exercise, but I haven’t been motivating myself to actually do it. More than anything, I’d really like to join a gym. I’d like to be able to go to the gym instead of just doing home workouts so that I can use a variety of machines instead of sticking with the very basic stuff I’ve been doing on my own at home (which consists of walking my dog and using the elliptical).

The problem is, I’m terrified to actually walk into a gym. I am still a very large woman. I weigh 288.4 lbs.–I am obviously not in tip-top shape yet. I am afraid of what people might say to me or how they might look at me if I were to go to a gym, and I’m also afraid of embarrassing myself by trying to do something my body isn’t ready to do yet. I know that people always say “no one cares what you’re doing at the gym; everyone is there to work on their own issues,” but I think that that’s only partially true.

I don’t think I’ve ever been anywhere where someone didn’t look at me for being overweight. It’s human nature. People are rude sometimes without even consciously knowing that they’re rude. Sometimes facial expressions aren’t controlled quickly enough, and I know exactly what’s being thought about me—I can see it written all over a person’s face.

The day I got my driver’s license when I was 16, a little girl—who was probably about 4—said to her mother, as loudly as she could in front of everyone, “she is way too big; look at how fat she is!” as she looked over at me and pointed. I was humiliated.

My point is, not everyone at the gym is going to be kind, and someone could very well say something to me or give me a look of disgust or whatever, and I don’t know yet whether or not I can handle that. I don’t know that if a stranger were to say something to me I could let it go and not let it get in the way of my success.

Does that mean I’m not ready for the gym yet?

I don’t know… I’m thinking maybe that’ll be my New Year’s Resolution. I’m not typically great about sticking to my resolutions, but maybe 2015 will be different. After all, I’ve already done what I once thought was impossible: I’ve gotten my eating under control. If I can do that, I can probably stick to a plan to workout, too.

We’ll see.


I turn 22 exactly one month from today, and I’m really looking forward to it. I am a healthier, happier person these days, and I hope that that’s going to reflect what the 22nd year of my life is going to be like. I hope I’m just going to continue to get healthier and happier in the coming year.


I don’t really have a specific goal for the week—mainly my plan is to just stay on course so that I can definitely hit my 10% goal next week. I know that that’ll be possible as long as I’m dedicated.

I hope you all have a fantastic week.

Eat well. Be well.

rachaelxoxo

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8 thoughts on “288.4

  1. In my opinion, if you think you’re ready for the gym and that’s what you want, go for it! If you’re truly not ready, then wait a little longer. Don’t make yourself miserable over it if you’re too uncomfortable. I do think going and getting used to it can certainly help boost your confidence. I feel the same way you do about the gym though. Maybe try getting a friend to go with you. That can be a huge help!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m honestly not sure whether or not I’m “ready” for the gym. Is it something that you’re ever really ready for, or is it just one of those things that you have to dive into headfirst without being completely comfortable? I’m not sure :/

    I was thinking about maybe checking out Curves. There is a Curves right nextdoor to my WW meeting place, and I always stare at it when I go by. Maybe I’d feel less uncomfortable working out in a women’s-only gym… And I also saw on their website that they have Zumba, which could be fun… Maybe? Haha!

    I have to see how much a membership costs, though. My WW membership is $42.95 per month, so I can’t go too crazy cost-wise for a gym membership on top of that.

    So I’m honestly not sure what I’m going to do yet.

    Do you go to the gym or do you have a different fitness regime?

    Like

  3. Well I am not a small girl either! And I go! If you go in, put music on and just focus on what you are doing you can completely tune everyone else out! And honestly who cares what some asshole might think about you?!? They have no idea about your life and your struggles and goals! Don’t let what might happen hold you back from all of the great benefits you could get!

    My sister is like a size 6 or 8 and I have had the same conversation with her! This is not just a big person worry! She feels like people are judging her and watching her! I just tell her they are looking at her fatty sister lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for this really nice comment! I thought I responded days ago but evidently I did not.

      I know I shouldn’t care about what other people think and/or say about me/my weight, but I do. A lot of people are just cruel, ya know? And plus, it’s hard to do something new and scary, too! I have never been an overly active person. I played sports when I was young, but I absolutely HATED it. I more or less did it to try to fit in (because you know alllllll the cool kids play sports -_-). Eventually I just gave up, though, because it was a freaking chore that I got no enjoyment out of. Even after weeks upon weeks of being active (whether it was running multiple laps around the field playing softball or running suicides playing basketball or volleyball or even walking the entire range playing golf), it never got easier for me.

      Even my gym teacher in school used to feel bad for me and he’d let me stop a bit before the other kids because he said he knew what I could handle and I just wasn’t up to par with my peers (he wasn’t being a jerk or anything—he was actually being really kind in his own way).

      My point is, I’m just nervous because I know how this goes. Haha! I wish I could find something really fun that I’d actually enjoy doing and that I’d maybe be good at. I’ve been kind of researching and there’s a Bally Total Fitness near my house and they do 55 min. spin classes in the morning. That seems like something I’d maybe like. I’m not sure, though. There’s also a Curves right nextdoor to my WW meeting place, and I saw on their website that they teach Zumba. Since Curves is also a women’s-only gym, I’m thinking that might even be a better option. I’m just unsure, though!

      What do you usually do at the gym? Do you do your own thing or do you take a class?

      Liked by 2 people

      • I know people can be cruel but you just have to zone that out! The likely hood of them saying something to you is so minute!

        I was the same way as a kid. But sports are a specific type of fitness. I’m sure that you have more muscle than you realize! Just get on a weight lifting routine to start. There is no need for comparison you just do what works for you! You will burn calories and build muscle, and muscle burns more calories than fat!

        I go to planet fitness. They have a 30 minute circuit that I do sometimes. I also do this machine that is a mix between a stepper and an elliptical. I looooove that machine! I burn a ton of calories! And it’s great for your butt! But whatever I do I am either with someone who makes me feel good about myself or I put on my music and ignore everything around me!

        I hope you can find the courage soon! You deserve to workout wherever you want! Regardless of what anyone else thinks!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. One of the problems with having targets is that they’re great when you meet them and not so great when you don’t, so I’m really pleased with your positive attitude having not quite made the 10% mark this week. Well done you. You’re in this for the long haul, and that’s terrific.

    I’ve thought long and hard about targets and concluded that I’m not going to set any. I’m just going to keep going and keep going and I’ll know when I’ve got there, and that’s fine for me. But I do recognise that for some people targets provide great motivation, and that even if you don’t meet one, having that target to aim for has a really beneficial effect.

    Good luck this week in reaching for that 10%. I hope you make it, because you sure deserve it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much! As always, I appreciate your support!

      For me, personally, targets help because I try to set smaller ones for myself, and since they’re smaller, they seem more achievable. My first goal was losing 5% of my body fat (16lbs.), and then my second goal is this 10% target (31lbs.). 31lbs. seems more doable to me then saying “I still have 124.4lbs. to lose before I’m technically healthy!” When I look at the big picture, it seems so daunting, and I honestly question if I can achieve it. I don’t question 31lbs. quite as much. 😉

      It’s all psychological, I know, but whatever works, right? 🙂

      I hope you’re having a great week!

      Like

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