285.6

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Starting Weight: 318.2 lbs.
Weight Last Week: 288.4 lbs.
Current Weight: 285.6 lbs.
Weekly Change: –2.8 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 32.6 lbs.


 

Good evening, friends!

Today is a great day! I am officially down another 2.8 lbs., which means that I managed to surpass my 10% goal this week! On the day that I started my Weight Watchers program, I put two big goals on the table: I wanted to reach my 5% target (a weight of 302.2 lbs.) and then my 10% target (a weight of 287.2 lbs.). When I started my journey 13 weeks ago, I didn’t actually know if either of those goals were going to be attainable. I’ve been overweight my whole life. I’ve been obese since I was a teenager. I’ve tried to diet before, and I’ve failed. Therefore, I was prepared for failure again this time around since that’s, essentially, what my whole life’s been about when it comes to my weight. I was fully prepared to never see these goals come to fruition.

But that’s not what happened, and you have no idea just how happy I am about that.

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Overcoming my issues with food has been so, so difficult at times, but every single time I get to jump over a hurdle like this and I get to celebrate another milestone, things get a little less difficult and I get a little bit stronger. The voice inside my head that urges me to take the easier road and submit to failure and defeat grows quieter as the days, weeks, and months pass on.

I am feeling really, really good.


After my Friday Weight Watchers meetings/weigh-ins, I typically go out and treat myself to a healthy lunch—one that uses a decent chunk of my points. I tend to eat light at breakfast on Friday mornings because I don’t want to feel too full before a weigh-in, so I’m fairly hungry once we finish up. Sometimes afterwards, I go to Jamba Juice and have a smoothie and a roasted chicken, cheddar, and honey dijon sandwich. Sometimes I go to Panera and get a cup of soup and half of a salad or half of a salad and half of a sandwich. Or sometimes I go somewhere else—somewhere where I can eat something that I can feel good about choosing.

Today I decided to go to Tokyo Joe’s for sushi since I’ve been on sort of a kick ever since I went out for it with my cousin last weekend. As I was standing in line adding up my PointsPlus total (4PP for a bottle of juice, 6PP for a 4-piece order of California rolls, and 6PP for a 4-piece order of spicy tuna rolls), I was distracted by the gentleman in front of me. He was older than me, but I don’t know by how much—perhaps by 10 years or so. He was about my height, and I’d venture to guess he outweighed me by about 50 lbs. or so, meaning that he weighed about only 20 lbs. more than I weighed when I started my journey 13 weeks ago.

This gentleman stood at the counter and ordered $22.00 worth of food for himself. When asked if he wanted a regular sized bowl or a big bowl, he hesitated for a moment before saying, “I guess big.” Then he ordered a Zushi Box (4 California rolls and 2 pieces of Nigiri) and another item of food that I didn’t quite catch before topping off his order with a refillable cup for soda.

The woman behind the register looked appalled, and a group of high school kids that were standing behind me were snickering.

But me? I felt an overwhelming amount of empathy towards him. Overwhelming.

13 weeks ago, that was me.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I went into a restaurant or hit a drive-thru window and ordered enough food for two or three people, knowing that I was going to go back to my car or back to my house and sit there and eat every single last bit of it. It actually got to the point that I was ordering so much food that I’d buy multiple drinks to go along with it because I hoped that that’d make the people taking my order think that I was buying all of that food to share instead of what I was really going to do, which was leave the restaurant and have a major binge.

The whole situation, for me, was shameful, and actually watching someone else do what I once did on a regular basis stopped me in my tracks and took me right back to that same shameful place. What was different, though, is that the shame I felt today was shame for the old Rachael—the Rachael that’s slowly but surely vanished over these past 13 weeks. What I felt today had absolutely no impact on what I did at lunch or what I’ve done with the rest of my day. I didn’t go back to that place where I allowed the urge to binge to pull me under. I didn’t throw all of my progress away and dive headfirst into a pizza or a carton of ice cream.

Instead, I just took a moment to mourn my wasted youth—the youth that I spent hidden away in secrecy with my food.

And then I moved on.

It’s amazing what 13 weeks can do for a person.


The reason I felt the need to mention all of that in my post today is because I’ve gotten a handful of new followers over the past week—a handful of people who are just starting to walk the path of their own weight loss journeys. I wanted to write this so that maybe you’d all see that giving yourself time does help. It’s hard to take advice from others sometimes, especially when they spit out that same old cliche that “it gets better and easier,” but the truth of the matter is that it does get better and easier—you just have to give it some time.

If you can just push through and get yourself over the bumps in the road that come with starting a new journey, then you’ll eventually make it.

Today is the day that I’ve finally stopped using the words “if” and “hopefully” to describe my weight loss journey. I’m not hopefully going to lose the weight if I can keep with this. I am going to lose the rest of the weight that’s holding me back because I will continue to push forward and stick to my plan.

Period.

The 10% of body fat that’s disappeared managed to take my self-doubt right along with it, too, thank goodness! It’s nice to finally be rid of all of that garbage!


I set a new goal for myself, which is my 15% target: a weight of 270.4 lbs. I don’t know when I’ll get there, and I’ve decided that I’m not setting a timeframe for this one. I’ll get there when I get there, and with any luck it’ll be sooner rather than later. I’m going to do my best.

I wish each and every one of you a wonderful week.

Eat well. Be well.

rachaelxoxo

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14 thoughts on “285.6

  1. Congrats on the 10%!!! That’s wonderful!

    Man, I totally did the multiple drinks with my order, or ask for extra forks, and would sometimes even glance down at my phone as if I was reading a friend’s order to them! It’s so terrible that I spent so much of my life like that.

    But we did it! We found our way out! Definitely something to be proud of.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks so much, Gen!

      And yeah—you basically nailed it. I did all of that, too. Once a girl at a drive-thru window actually asked me how come I always bought multiple meals when I never had another person in the car with me. I went on and on about how I was “bringing lunch back to someone.” I was SO embarrassed and I never went back there after that. People totally know what you’re going to do with all of that food. There’s really no hiding it, no matter what crazy lengths you go to!

      I am so glad we found our way out! It is horrible to feel that out of control, and it’s horrible to live your life like that! I am VERY proud of us! It takes a lot of strength, but we made it! 😀 ❤

      Liked by 2 people

    • It’s horrible to live like that, isn’t it? I mean, I keep asking myself why I ever thought it was OK to eat that much food. I would eat and eat and eat until I was past the point of feeling sick. I would eat until I couldn’t even move or I would vomit… and sometimes I did. I mean… wow. That’s all that can be said about it. Even now when I do get the urge to binge, it’s nothing like that. Sometimes I still want to eat too much food, but certainly no where near as much as I once ate.

      Go us for getting ourselves under control! It’s hard, but it feels SO good to not have to live like that, doesn’t it?

      Thanks for being proud of me and thanks for always supporting me, Alison. I couldn’t do this without you! 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! That means a lot to me! 😀

      It’s taken me about 3 months to develop this mindset—it didn’t come easy. But now I’m excited because I see things just getting better and better. It’s nice to be on the other side of the hump! I am certainly going to try my best to make it to my 15% goal sooner rather than later, but I’ll be content with whatever happens. This is a marathon, not a sprint 😉

      Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for your kind words. A huge part of why I decided to blog about my journey is because I wanted to find other people like me—I wanted to stop feeling like I was the only one to deal with these struggles and problems when I knew that there had to be other people out there somewhere that understood. I find more support here then I do in my “real life” a lot of the time. So many people in this blogging community reached out to me and helped me and inspired me (and still continue to do so), and my journey wouldn’t be where it is today without them. If I can return that favor in any way, that’s what I want to do.

      I’m glad that you’re here as part of my journey, and I’m happy to be a part of yours, too. I know you can do it! Just keep going! 😀

      Thank you again for your kind words! They are so appreciated!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Congratulations on another hugely successful week. You really are in great form. And hitting that 10% mark must be wonderful for you, too. Enjoy the way you feel now, because you’ve totally earned it.

    Not only are you seeing great results, you’ve developed the attitude you need to see this through. I have complete confidence in you. You’re going to achieve so much, I just know it.

    Keep going, keep going, keep going, and never give up!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for always stopping by to read and comment on my posts! Your encouragement means so much to me. Seeing your success and your steady positive attitude (no matter what results your week happens to bring!) has helped to keep me on course. Thanks so much for being a big part of my journey; I wouldn’t have made it this far without you!

      I’ll never forget the fact that you happened to stop by and leave me some encouragement during the particularly rough week I had awhile back—the week where “falling off the wagon” seemed almost inevitable. By sheer luck you happened to say just what I needed to hear exactly when I needed to hear it. Your thoughts are most definitely appreciated here! 🙂

      I hope you are having a wonderful week!

      Liked by 1 person

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