285.6

Starting Weight: 318.2 lbs.
Weight Last Week: 288.4 lbs.
Current Weight: 285.6 lbs.
Weekly Change: –2.8 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 32.6 lbs.

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Good evening, friends!

Today is a great day! I am officially down another 2.8 lbs., which means that I managed to surpass my 10% goal this week! On the day that I started my Weight Watchers program, I put two big goals on the table: I wanted to reach my 5% target (a weight of 302.2 lbs.) and then my 10% target (a weight of 287.2 lbs.). When I started my journey 13 weeks ago, I didn’t actually know if either of those goals were going to be attainable. I’ve been overweight my whole life. I’ve been obese since I was a teenager. I’ve tried to diet before, and I’ve failed. Therefore, I was prepared for failure again this time around since that’s, essentially, what my whole life’s been about when it comes to my weight. I was fully prepared to never see these goals come to fruition.

But that’s not what happened, and you have no idea just how happy I am about that.

Overcoming my issues with food has been so, so difficult at times, but every single time I get to jump over a hurdle like this and I get to celebrate another milestone, things get a little less difficult and I get a little bit stronger. The voice inside my head that urges me to take the easier road and submit to failure and defeat grows quieter as the days, weeks, and months pass on.

I am feeling really, really good.

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After my Friday Weight Watchers meetings/weigh-ins, I typically go out and treat myself to a healthy lunch—one that uses a decent chunk of my points. I tend to eat light at breakfast on Friday mornings because I don’t want to feel too full before a weigh-in, so I’m fairly hungry once we finish up. Sometimes afterwards, I go to Jamba Juice and have a smoothie and a roasted chicken, cheddar, and honey dijon sandwich. Sometimes I go to Panera and get a cup of soup and half of a salad or half of a salad and half of a sandwich. Or sometimes I go somewhere else—somewhere where I can eat something that I can feel good about choosing.

Today I decided to go to Tokyo Joe’s for sushi since I’ve been on sort of a kick ever since I went out for it with my cousin last weekend. As I was standing in line adding up my PointsPlus total (4PP for a bottle of juice, 6PP for a 4-piece order of California rolls, and 6PP for a 4-piece order of spicy tuna rolls), I was distracted by the gentleman in front of me. He was older than me, but I don’t know by how much—perhaps by 10 years or so. He was about my height, and I’d venture to guess he outweighed me by about 50 lbs. or so, meaning that he weighed about only 20 lbs. more than I weighed when I started my journey 13 weeks ago.

This gentleman stood at the counter and ordered $22.00 worth of food for himself. When asked if he wanted a regular sized bowl or a big bowl, he hesitated for a moment before saying, “I guess big.” Then he ordered a Zushi Box (4 California rolls and 2 pieces of Nigiri) and another item of food that I didn’t quite catch before topping off his order with a refillable cup for soda.

The woman behind the register looked appalled, and a group of high school kids that were standing behind me were snickering.

But me? I felt an overwhelming amount of empathy towards him. Overwhelming.

13 weeks ago, that was me.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I went into a restaurant or hit a drive-thru window and ordered enough food for two or three people, knowing that I was going to go back to my car or back to my house and sit there and eat every single last bit of it. It actually got to the point that I was ordering so much food that I’d buy multiple drinks to go along with it because I hoped that that’d make the people taking my order think that I was buying all of that food to share instead of what I was really going to do, which was leave the restaurant and have a major binge.

The whole situation, for me, was shameful, and actually watching someone else do what I once did on a regular basis stopped me in my tracks and took me right back to that same shameful place. What was different, though, is that the shame I felt today was shame for the old Rachael—the Rachael that’s slowly but surely vanished over these past 13 weeks. What I felt today had absolutely no impact on what I did at lunch or what I’ve done with the rest of my day. I didn’t go back to that place where I allowed the urge to binge to pull me under. I didn’t throw all of my progress away and dive headfirst into a pizza or a carton of ice cream.

Instead, I just took a moment to mourn my wasted youth—the youth that I spent hidden away in secrecy with my food.

And then I moved on.

It’s amazing what 13 weeks can do for a person.

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The reason I felt the need to mention all of that in my post today is because I’ve gotten a handful of new followers over the past week—a handful of people who are just starting to walk the path of their own weight loss journeys. I wanted to write this so that maybe you’d all see that giving yourself time does help. It’s hard to take advice from others sometimes, especially when they spit out that same old cliche that “it gets better and easier,” but the truth of the matter is that it does get better and easier—you just have to give it some time.

If you can just push through and get yourself over the bumps in the road that come with starting a new journey, then you’ll eventually make it.

Today is the day that I’ve finally stopped using the words “if” and “hopefully” to describe my weight loss journey. I’m not hopefully going to lose the weight if I can keep with this. I am going to lose the rest of the weight that’s holding me back because I will continue to push forward and stick to my plan.

Period.

The 10% of body fat that’s disappeared managed to take my self-doubt right along with it, too, thank goodness! It’s nice to finally be rid of all of that garbage!

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I set a new goal for myself, which is my 15% target: a weight of 270.4 lbs. I don’t know when I’ll get there, and I’ve decided that I’m not setting a timeframe for this one. I’ll get there when I get there, and with any luck it’ll be sooner rather than later. I’m going to do my best.

I wish each and every one of you a wonderful week.

Eat well. Be well.

rachaelxoxo