After yesterday’s anxiety-ridden post, I figured I owed you all another blog today to update you on how everything turned out.
Thanks to some of my incredible blogging friends, I actually did pull myself together enough to go shopping! So thank you so much to those of you who reached out to me after reading my last post. Your kindness truly astounds me, and your words of wisdom and encouragement meant more to me and did more for me than you’ll probably ever realize. Thank you, thank you, thank you—sincerely.
I decided to hit Old Navy first yesterday, and that was… an experience. I’ve never shopped somewhere before where the plus size clothes and the “regular” size clothes were mixed together. I had to do a couple of walks around the store to understand that concept. Once I finally figured that out and I pushed past the anxiety I felt from having to search for jeans right alongside a couple of very thin, very pretty women, I grabbed two pairs of “skinny” jeans (What?! Uhm that’s a first!). A friend warned me beforehand that Old Navy jeans tend to run a bit small, so I just grabbed both in a size 20 — one size beneath that of the jeans I came in wearing. At the last minute, I also grabbed a really cute striped, blue maxi skirt that had a slit up both sides. I grabbed that in a size large.
Once I took my haul back to the fitting room, it took awhile for me to work up the nerve to actually try everything on. I just stood there, looking at myself in the mirror for a good 10 minutes or so. Eventually I started mumbling to myself like a crazy person: It’s OK if they don’t fit. It’s OK if they don’t fit. It’s OK if they don’t fit.
I slipped on the pair of black Rockstar “super skinny” jeans first, and they fit like a glove! Everything was fine — I could button them and they were a comfortable fit. However… I hated them. They looked like they were painted on, and they were not flattering — on me — in the least. NEXT!
I tried to slip on the light wash Diva skinny jeans next, but they were cut completely different than the Rockstars were, and they didn’t fit at all. I couldn’t button them, and they didn’t fit me height/length-wise either. NEXT!
I slipped on the maxi skirt last, and that was… fun. The skirt itself looked OK on me at best, but it was still nice — really. To be perfectly honest with you, I haven’t lost enough weight yet to wear jersey material — that was quite obvious — but it was still a fun experience because it was something that I could totally see myself wearing down the line. Right now, my body doesn’t have enough shape to wear something like this, but 30 lbs. from now, I really think I could make a maxi skirt look good! So this got me pretty excited, and I filed it away in the back of my mind. This will be a someday soon purchase. 30 lbs. from now, I’ll come back and try it on again. If my body has better shape to it by then, I’ll buy the skirt as a reward for myself. 🙂
After that, I decided that Old Navy jeans are not for me and that it just wasn’t meant to be. Even when I’m smaller than I am now, this isn’t a place I see myself buying jeans from. They’re overpriced, and they are stuck on this stupid “skinny” jeans fad. I want to be afforded more cut selections than that, Old Navy. Sorry.
I did, however, decide to try on a couple of shirts! I was able to get into a size XL long sleeve sweatshirt-type thing, which made me very happy, but I didn’t purchase it because they only had my size in blue, and I just didn’t care for the color. I then tried on this black and grey, striped, hooded t shirt/sweatshirt thing, and it was perfect. It fit great, it looked great, and I just absolutely loved it, so I bought it! It was marked as an XXL, but when I held it up against the other sweatshirt, it was the exact same physical size, so go figure. Moral of the story? Old Navy sizes are weird and not at all universal. I also ended up buying this hot pink tank top in a size XL. It was on clearance, and I figured it’d make a perfect workout shirt.
So that was Old Navy! The best part of the whole excursion was the fact that although I walked out empty-handed jeans-wise, I did so by choice. I wasn’t forced to walk out of there because nothing fit — I walked out because I didn’t like what they had to offer. That was awesome! 🙂
By this point I was exhausted (I had spent hours at Old Navy), but I knew that I still needed to find jeans somewhere, so I made a decision that some of you might think is a copout, but in the interest of full disclosure, I’m going to tell you anyways.
The store I mentioned yesterday — the one that I’ve made all of my clothing purchases from for the last 10 years? Yeah… I made the 45-minute drive to their new location to finish my shopping.
If trying on jeans at Old Navy taught me anything, it’s that I’ve been out of the whole fashion/style game for too long (or, to be honest, more like forever). I am not a fan of this “skinny” jean craze. I don’t hate them (we’ll get to that in a minute), but I want more choices than that. I should not be forced to squeeze myself into painted-on-looking jeans if I don’t want to! I shouldn’t!
So I went to my trusty standby thinking they’d have a bigger selection for me… and ugh… what do I find? More freaking “skinny” jeans! Give me a break!
I grabbed two pairs of those stupid “skinny” jeans (because the universe had obviously decided I needed to buy a pair) — one that was an 80s whitewashed-looking pair that I basically tried on as a joke, and one dark washed pair. As chance may have it, I also found a pair of curvy flare jeans (much more my style!), and I grabbed those, too.
I decided to try on a smaller size here; I grabbed a size 18 in both the dark wash skinnies and the flare jeans, but I had to try on the whitewashed skinnies in a 20 because that was the only pair available.
The whitewashed “skinny” jeans were a joke. They looked awful, but believe it or not, they fit me very, very, very well and were pretty comfortable. They just looked too bad to be taken seriously, though. NEXT!
I tried on the Angels curvy flare jeans next, and they fit me perfectly and they looked so, so, so good! I actually started jumping up and down in the fitting room once I had these on. There may have also been some fist-pumping… 😉
I can wear a size 18! Unbelievable! I haven’t worn a size 18 since I was about 16-years-old or so. So, as you can probably guess, I bought these jeans. They were too good to pass up. 🙂
Finally, I tried on the Series 31 “super soft” pair of dark washed “skinny” jeans, and would you believe that they weren’t half bad? The 18s were actually a little big on me — I probably could’ve worn a size 16 in those. However, because they were a little big, they didn’t look painted on like the other skinny jeans I’d tried on did. They were comfortable, and they didn’t make me look like a stuffed sausage. I debated a little bit with myself about these because they were, after all, “skinny” jeans, and I’m really not fond of that cut… but I finally decided to get them. They fit. They feel good. They look pretty good. Why not buy them? Old habits were really the only thing holding me back, and once I realized that, I decided it was time to try new things.
After that, I tried on numerous shirts, all of which were between sizes XL and 2XL (seriously, sizes must get weirder as you get smaller because they were not consistent across the board whatsoever). I found loads of things that fit, but I didn’t really like much of it. I finally ended up with a really cute quarter-sleeved graphic t shirt, though. It’s white with black sleeves and says Wild Spirit on it. There’s also a feather on the front with pastel-colored accents. It’s very cute, and I’m glad I bought it. I also found another workout appropriate tank top, this time in black.
So that’s it; that was my shopping trip. I bought a few other things while I was out (a scarf, a pair of mittens, + a pair of shoes on clearance for $10), and it was actually a pretty fun day.
All in all, it was a really good experience once I got going. As those of you who commented on my last post said, my anxiety was all for naught. I was just fine when it was all said and done.
Yesterday definitely reminded me that the hard days are not totally behind me, though. Lately, I’ve been cruising along. I’ve been making great choices and things have been feeling much easier. It’s easy to see now that I got a little ahead of myself, though. I’ve still got a long way to go, and there are still situations that are going to cause panic and fear. I’m just glad that I turned to my blog rather than to half a dozen double cheeseburgers this time!
Thanks again for your help, and thanks for reading this much-too-long post.
I hope you’re having a lovely week.