264.8

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Starting Weight: 318.2 lbs.
Weight Last Week: 267 lbs.
Current Weight: 264.8 lbs.
Weekly Change: –2.2 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 53.4 lbs.


Hi, friends!

Today has been bittersweet for me — very, very bittersweet.

First, let’s talk about the sweet things, though! I’ll save the bitter until the end.

As you can see, I lost another 2.2 lbs. this week! I have now lost a total of 53.4 lbs., and I’m also more than halfway through the 260s now, too! The 250s are so close, and I feel so, so, so happy about what I’ve accomplished.

Reaching a weight of 164 lbs. would give me a BMI of 24.9, which means that it’s the most that I can weigh while still maintaing a “normal” BMI, and so, as of now, that’s tentatively what my end goal weight is.

Currently, I weigh 264.8 lbs, and I have a BMI of 39.7 (which, by the way, is just regular obese… I am no longer morbidly obese! Three cheers for that!).

But yeah… Right this second, I weigh 264.8 pounds.

That means that I am now officially just 100.8 lbs. away from being “normal.”

For all intents and purposes, I am just 100 lbs. away from reaching a healthy weight.

100.

Is it strange that that number doesn’t seem daunting to me anymore?

It’s so hard to believe that I’ve come this far in just 26 weeks. When I started this journey back on September 12, 2014, I wanted to see success so badly, but in my heart of hearts, I didn’t actually believe that I could do this. Back then, I didn’t believe that I could conquer my urges to binge or that I could really and truly wake up from this 300-someodd-pound nightmare.

But I have woken up from the nightmare, and losing another 100 lbs. seems totally possible now. I believe in myself, and I believe that I can do this. Now, it’s not a question of “if” — it’s merely a question of “when.”

That’s an incredible revelation.


Another positive revelation I had this week?

I’m really not that big anymore.

OK, OK, OK — now before you go calling the fat police or you think to call in the cavalry just to make sure I’m not getting complacent over here, slow your roll. I realize I’m still obese. I just openly said that a few paragraphs ago. ^^ However, I’m also going to be realistic, too.

I am currently falling out of my U.S. size 18 jeans. I could absolutely get into a size 16 right now — maybe even a 14 if I sucked it in enough.

And last week, I slipped into a size 18 dress that I haven’t been able to wear since late 2007 when I was 14-years-old.

Stop for a second and consider all of that information.

See!

I am not that big anymore.

I have ventured into a realm where buying clothes in a “normal” store is entirely possible. There’s not a major department store in my whole city that doesn’t sell size 16 jeans. If I wanted to, I could buy jeans off the rack now. I totally, definitely, absolutely could. And as far as I’m concerned, that’s a good way of defining my size. If I’m able to buy jeans at a normal store and I don’t have to shop at specialty stores anymore, then I’m no longer an exceptionally large lady.

Coming to that conclusion wasn’t necessarily an easy thing to do, though. There’s a disconnect between my mind and my body and even my eyes, too, I think.

When I browse through some of your blogs, I am shocked to see that some of you weigh more than I do. Coming from a girl who’s never been thin and who has always been the biggest person in the room, it’s almost inconceivable that I’ve lowered my weight to a sort of middle-of-the road place.

I look at some of you ladies, in particular — ladies who weigh a bit more than me or a bit less but are still fairly close — and I admire the pictures you post. I admire your body shapes and the way that your weight is disbursed, and I seem to have trouble remembering that I, too, am of a similar size.

It’s hard for me to come to terms with what I’ve done and with what I look like now.

But, slowly but surely, I’m getting there!


And now here comes the bitter…

I have been struggling with this second leg of the 1,000 Extra Steps Challenge, guys. I haven’t hit my goal on several occasions. I missed the goal 3 times this week, and that, combined with the days I missed earlier in the challenge, means I’ve now missed my target 6/18 days, which is awful!

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The weather has been counterproductive of my walking a few times, and my own crappy mood and excess fatigue has been counterproductive for the rest. I have been incredibly stressed out because of my schoolwork, and walking just hasn’t been at the top of my priority list this time around.

The walking that I have managed to do has been indoor, walking-in-place stuff. I just turn on Netflix and walk through a couple episodes of The Twilight Zone or Friends or The Office, and then I call it a night. I’ve noticed, however, that my body has not been appreciative of this.

When I weighed over 300 lbs., I was lucky because I never had body aches or pains. Now, though? My body aches all the time. My back and neck have been bothering me, and so has my knee. When I was taking long walks outside, my body responded well, but walking in place for an hour at a time or more? Yeah. This can’t continue for much longer.

And then last night, I had a horrible toothache, and while I definitely had the time and energy to walk, I didn’t because I just wasn’t in the mood. I took a few Advils, nursed my toothache until they kicked in, and then I went to bed early.

I’m sorry that I haven’t been doing well this time around. I feel like maybe I’m letting you guys down, and that’s a real bummer for me.

I promise to try harder these last 10 days!


And now for the absolute worst, most bitter part of the bittersweet day I’ve had.

love my Weight Watchers meeting — sincerely. I picked the meeting for no other reason than it was the next convenient time available after I decided, spur of the moment, that I was going to join Weight Watchers. Had I decided on any other day that I wanted to join, I’d have likely ended up at a different meeting.

But, as it was, I didn’t. I ended up here, Friday mornings at 9:30 AM.

I’m the youngest person at the meeting, and because of that, I feel like all of the other women felt like they needed to take on very motherly-type roles in my life. All of them wanted to play momma over the course of my journey.

And, so far, I’ve let them.

When I walk in, everyone knows my name. Everyone stops to chit chat and ask about my week. Everyone waits with baited breath when I’m approaching a milestone like that big 50 lb. loss I had been anticipating for weeks. They are all genuinely invested in me — in my life and in my story — and I’ve become genuinely invested in their lives and stories, too.

I know about their husbands and children and grandchildren. I know about their vacations and their special events. I thoroughly know these little, special parts of their lives, and they’ve all become very important to me over the course of these past 6 months.

So today, when the sweet and spunky Ms. Betty came up to me with tears in her eyes, I knew that my little world was going to be tilted on its axis something fierce.

And it was.

Betty has been one of my biggest cheerleaders throughout the journey so far because she has lost a lot of weight — pretty darn close to what I have to lose. She is very thin now and very beautiful — even as a grandma, she radiates this sense of eternal youth. You can tell that she’s worked hard for what she’s accomplished, and she’s got an attitude that can’t be beat.

She’s also a cancer survivor, and she’s said, time and time again, that Weight Watchers saved her life: had her body still been in ruins when they’d found the cancer, she probably wouldn’t have been able to beat it that first time around.

One look at Betty’s face today, though, and I knew that something was really, really wrong and that some of her fighting fire had been put out.

A few seconds after walking in, she grabbed me by the shoulders and said, “Listen, sweetie, this is the last time you’re probably going to see me for awhile.” With a smile of denial, I asked, “Well, why?” Her response was awful — so awful that I had a hard time pulling myself together afterwards: “They found a tumor, and I don’t know much right now. It’s looking like surgery, chemo, and radiation, though. I came in today because I wanted to tell you that you can do this. I believe in you, and it’s so important that you just keep going.” Then she gave me a hug, got up, and shook it off.

I was speechless, and I was also totally heartbroken. I was absolutely flabbergasted, too, that she came in just two days after receiving her diagnosis simply to tell me that I needed to keep going with this. I was flabbergasted that my journey mattered that much to her — that mattered that much.

After she weighed-in, she came back over to me and whispered, “Now don’t you be upset. I’m just telling a few people, and I wanted you to know.” 

But it was too late; I was upset, and I still am upset. I shed some tears at the meeting, and I shed more tears while writing this blog.

When you take a journey like this, you get so emotionally involved with people. I feel so connected to all of the people at my meeting and to all of you out here in the blogosphere, and it’s just hard when life throws curveballs.

I promised Betty that I’d come to see her — that she didn’t have to venture out of her house to see me if she didn’t want to or she couldn’t, and she, in turn, promised lots of margaritas would be waiting for me at her place when I did come by.

Weight Watchers points be damned.


If it’s not too much trouble, think of my friend Betty, would you? If you’re the praying kind or you like to send positive energy out into the world or you feel in tune with some other larger-than-life thing, remember her for me. Keep her close to your hearts; she’s certainly kept me and a whole lot of other folks close to hers.

I hope you all have a lovely week.

Eat well. Be well.

rachaelxoxo

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6 thoughts on “264.8

  1. I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s tumour, Rachael. That’s tough news. Be a friend, as I know you will be, and I’m sure Betty will appreciate it.

    On that note, don’t stress about your diet. Life will throw us a curveball once in a while and we’re only human, so of course it affects us. But at the same time realise that whatever life throws at you, you have the strength to see the diet through no matter what bumps and holes there are in the road. You are definitely going all the way to the end of this journey you’re on. You don’t need us to drag you there, but I look forward to cheering you along the way and to being there when you arrive at your destination.

    So you missed your target on the 1000 Extra Steps Challenge. That is a shame, but don’t beat yourself up over it, use it to motivate you next time. Targets aren’t there to put a big tick of success or cross of failure on our week, they’re there to motivate and inspire us. Whatever walking you did this week, it’s a positive. It might not have matched your goal, but that target took you some of the way there. Your own pride and determination will take you the rest of the way next time. I started the week by getting off the tube train one stop early and walking the rest of the way to the office, and I promised myself I would do that every day. I did it four days, but time pressure on Friday meant I skipped it. So I missed my target, but walked about four miles this week that I wouldn’t normally. That goal motivated me to do something positive, even though I didn’t quite reach it. And there’s always next week.

    And let’s forget numbers for a moment, because this isn’t all about numbers, we just use them as a tool along the way to measure progress. Being able to go into a regular store and buy jeans is about as big a mark of success as you can imagine. Well done you! That’s absolutely brilliant news!! Well done! Go treat yourself!

    And getting back to the numbers, you’ve smashed through that 50-pound target in the last couple of weeks and now it’s history, you’re well clear of it. Over 53 pounds of fat shed from your body through sheer determination and making the right food choices each day, one day at a time. You’re not someone who *has lost 50 pounds*, you’re someone who *is losing 150 pounds*.

    Once again, I’m sorry to hear about Betty. This has indeed been a bittersweet week for you. But I know that whatever comes, you’re going to keep going and never give up, and I’m coming with you.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Poor Betty! I’ll be sending her healing wishes daily. In spite of everything you keep coming out with losses every week, and that is phenomenal! Don’t beat yourself up over the steps. It will happen when you’re ready 🙂 I find myself having days when I just don’t want to go for a walk either. Congratulations on another great loss and the future size 16s!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Rachael…you always amaze me. You are losing weight even when you struggle with the challenge. You have a self image that is turning more positive by the day, but is still grounded in reality. I am so honored to say I know you, and I am inspired by you always.

    The news about Betty is sad, and she will most definitely be remembered in my prayers. I think that the other ladies might be mothering you some, and I think there is something else. In you, maybe, they see hope. They see this vibrant, pretty, 20 something, with her whole life ahead of her, making positive changes that maybe they wish they’d made decades ago.

    You inspire people, Rachael. Keep being the amazing person you are.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Dear sweet Rachel,

    Read the previous comments over and over until they sink in. Every word is true. These are people that are inspired every day by the events of your journey. That is your greatest accomplishment. Inspiring others and making a difference in the world is what we all wish for. This you have already done at age 22.

    Those ladies care about you because you care about them. Your body is shrinking by the minute but your heart is huge. Others see/ feel that. All us grandmas are encouraged by you and wish we had done the same as you when we were 22. Even though that time is gone for us, your story gives us hope. Hope that victory will prevail.

    So you missed a few steps, so what? Tomorrow is a new day, just start over. Remember failure is not falling down, failure is refusing to get up again to start over .Those missed steps donot take away your victory of losing 50+ , buying new smaller clothes, or how you encouraged sofa veggies ( me) to get up and walk. My hubby laughs at me walking in the house trying to get those last few steps in. You should have seen me stepping in place with the phone plugged in the wall the other night, doing arm lifts with a one lb weight. This is because of your step challenge.

    I treat my 80 year old Dad to lunch at the Senior Center. Then I take his tray up for him and my hubby too. They let me and we laugh about it because I have to get “my steps” in. This is because of your step challenge.

    See what joy you bring about. People you don’t know share laughter and love because of your inspiration. Yes girl, you are bring hope and making a difference in the lives of many. That is so much more important than the steps you missed.

    Your goal of 164 is my goal too. It was given to me way back in 1974. It has/ is taking me 42 years to get there. I am 4 to 5 pounds away depending on my water, carbs, or sweets. But again you inspire me. Without realizing it, you are telling me to quit playing around and finally reach a goal for just once in my life. All my life I have never reached my goal, got close, but never got there. You get there, hear me, get there. Do it, you can. Do it for your friend. She was encouraged by you. You gave her hope in a better future through you and others like you.

    When we old folks watch the news, etc. we get overwhelmed. But when we meet young people like you, it gives us hope for the future.

    Girl, you keep going, step by step, day by day “stepping” right on to your victory and victory for all of us, including your friend. See, your victory is a victory for all of us.

    (Lord, bring a touch of Your healing power to this one loved by Rachel. Give her the strength she will need to get through this journey. Give the doctors wisdom to know how to take care of her needs. Send others to minister to her for her needs. Lord, we place Ms. Betty in Your hands. Take care of her, provide for her whatever it is that she had need of. Bring your love to her (and Rachel too) in such a way that she knows that she knows that she knows it is You. Raise up many to pray for her. Thank you for hearing our prayers. Amen

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Rachael,

    First, I have to say that I am so sorry I’ve been absent during most of this last challenge. Work has been overwhelmingly difficult and stressful. I am working on catching up on everyone’s posts today while I have some down time.

    Second, I am sorry to hear about your friend Betty. I hope everything goes well and I will definitely be sending some positive vibes in her direction.

    Third, I am so proud of what you’ve accomplished this month and during your whole journey overall. You have such a good view on your progress and you are just destroying your milestones left and right. I am happy to have come across someone that is really invested in seeing others succeed alongside you.I plan to be lurking around your page more often in the future, so plan to hear from me. Again, you are doing so wonderfully. I am in awe of the progress you’ve made. Keep it going!

    Amber

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Pingback: 258.6 | My Journey–One Day at a Time

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