264.2

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Starting Weight: 318.2 lbs.
Weight Last Week: 264.8 lbs.
Current Weight: 264.2 lbs.
Weekly Change: –0.6 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 54 lbs.


Hi, friends!

As you can see, I lost 0.6 lbs. this week, and while I’d normally be a little bit bummed out about such a minor loss, that is not the case today!

When I wrote to you earlier this week, I mentioned that I was having a tough time. Unfortunately, even after writing to you all, my week still continued to be difficult. I didn’t do well with my steps whatsoever this week — even after promising you I’d try harder — and my desire to overeat and mindlessly eat did not wane either.

On Wednesday, I was craving McDonald’s something fierce. I wanted a 10 piece order of Chicken McNuggets, which would’ve cost me 13P+. Add on two packets of my favorite dipping sauce—the spicy buffalo—and my meal would’ve rounded out to a total of 15P+. I get 43P+ to use for the whole day, and by the time lunch rolled around, I still had 29P+ to spare. I easily could’ve had the chicken nuggets and the dipping sauce and still had plenty of points leftover for dinner, but my conscience just would not let me answer the craving and go to McDonald’s. I haven’t been there since the very first day I started Weight Watchers—September 12, 2014—and I didn’t want to go back now because I know that McDonald’s is not a good place. I know that it’s not food that I should be eating.

So I didn’t go.

But I wish I had!

Since I didn’t answer the call of the craving and I ate my lunch at home instead, I overate majorly to compensate. I grabbed a bag of low-fat corn tortilla chips that I had sitting around, and I shoved the chips into my mouth by the fistful.

I was disgusted with myself after I did it. No — not simply because I ate the chips; I can handle eating too many chips. I was disgusted because of how I was eating them. I was, honest-to-god, shoving food into my mouth by the fistful, and there is absolutely no reason to do that.

Growing up, I used to do that when I’d secret eat. I was so fearful that someone was going to walk in and see what I was doing, so I’d stuff as much food into my mouth as possible, and I’d eat it all as quickly as I could. I knew, back then, that what I was doing wasn’t “normal” — that, in some sense, it was “wrong” — so shoving food into my mouth by the fistful still holds that same connotation for me.

I did it because, subconsciously, I thought that what I was doing was wrong.

I went over my daily allowance by 7P+ on Wednesday, and that was just one of several times I ended up dipping into my weeklies. Overall, I used 13 weeklies last week, all of which were used on garbage — nothing special, nothing that I really wanted, nothing worthwhile. That was absolutely, 100 percent, 13P+ of mindless eating.

And, on top of that, here’s what the step challenge looked like:

image

So yeah. That didn’t go well, obviously.

I barely moved all week. This is what my movement was like before I started getting healthy. It’s easy to see that I took several giant steps backwards, sadly.

But it’s OK! This is all part of the journey. Nothing is going to go smoothly or be perfect all the time. Perfection is impossible, and I know this. This was my first really and truly “off” week since I began this journey 6 months ago. I think I’ve done really well so far, and I am proud of myself and of my accomplishments. This one “off” week didn’t kill me or deter me — I still managed to come out the other end unscathed! I know that I have to do better, and I will. 🙂


So now you can probably see why I’m not the least bit disappointed with my 0.6 lb. loss. Honestly, it’s remarkable that I didn’t gain this week — I was expecting to.

In analyzing my week, though, I can see some serious change and improvement in myself eating-wise. It says a lot, I think, that when I went on a little mini-rampage I did so by overeating low-fat chips. Instead of getting in my car and driving to McDonald’s and eating half of the menu, I made a better choice in the midst of my bad choice… Does that make sense?

I guess what I’m trying to say is, even when I’m not doing things “right,” I’m still managing to do them better, and that makes me happy!


This second leg of the 1,000 Extra Steps Challenge ends on Monday, and as I mentioned in my last blog, I won’t be focusing quite so much on my walking (at least for a bit) once the challenge ends.

Instead, I am going to commit to 30 days of yoga!

Amber, Brittany, and Harley mentioned that they might be interested in making it a group activity/challenge sort of thing, and I like that idea! I love it when we can all help, encourage, and cheer each other on, so I’m always ready and willing to participate in group activities!

I am planning to go and look for a cheap beginner’s yoga DVD next week because I think it’ll motivate me more if I actually spend the money on it, but we don’t all necessarily have to do the same yoga routine. I will gladly post the name of the video I end up buying, but you could also go the free route and choose a yoga routine off of YouTube, too!

What do you think? Is this something any of you might like to do?

If so, I’m thinking we could maybe start on Monday, March 23, 2015.

Would that give everyone enough time to get situated and prepared to start?

I think this change of routine will be really good for me, and maybe it’ll be good for some of you, too, if you’re interested. Maybe just give it some thought, yeah?


This week is going to be better than last week; I am determined to have a good week! I am going to force myself to move more, and I’m also going to be more conscientious of my eating. This rut that I’m in is no more! I’m not going to let myself get off track for a second week. Nope!

I hope you all have a wonderful week, too.

Eat well. Be well.

rachaelxoxo

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11 thoughts on “264.2

  1. Congratulations on another loss, Rachael. It’s a modest one, I know, but thanks to that you’ve cracked 54 pounds this week. Remember just a few weeks ago, you were desperate to crack 50 pounds? That’s long gone already, that’s how far you’ve come.

    As for the rest, it sounds to me like your head is in completely the right place, exactly where it needs to be, and that counts for everything in my book. That’s what will get you where you want to be. I know it’s still a difficult time, there are challenges ahead, dark days waiting, and it’s important that you try to keep your focus, and I see you doing that.

    If you want some perspective for where you’re at and what you’re achieving, you need to know that I cracked 50 pounds once, too, back in 2002/3. I never made it to 54.

    Keep going, Rachael. Keep going, keep going, keep going, and never, never, never give up!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for your kindness — it means the world to me!

      Your words have always helped me tremendously. Your attitude, as I’ve told you many times before, is such an inspiration! ❤

      Sometimes I forget that the darkness isn't totally gone — that it will NEVER be totally gone. Even when I get down to goal, I know that I will struggle with this for the rest of my life. There will probably always be times when I get the urge to binge or when I overeat or mindlessly eat or when something is wrong but I just can't figure out what! This journey will last forever, and this battle will always be part of me. I have to accept that and figure out how to live with that and push forward.

      I am in a MUCH better state of mind this week. I had such a great week and have such high hopes for this week, too! Whatever I was feeling was fleeting (thank goodness!) and it seems to have disappeared as quickly as it arrived.

      Now on to the next, right?! 😉

      And you WILL make it to 54 lbs. (and beyond!) this time around — I know it, I believe it, and, most importantly, I believe in YOU. I am cheering you on and supporting you the whole way. Together, we can do this! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I think bad weeks are bound to happen, but I’m super impressed by the way you’re taking control of the bad parts, rather than allowing them to take control of you. Also, somehow 54 pounds sounds way more than 53. I’m amazed by the things you’ve accomplished, and I’m so thankful, just knowing that I’ve got you supporting me every step of the way. We’re in this together, baby!

    Liked by 3 people

    • You have become such a good friend, Alison, and I really don’t know how I’d keep on track without you! Thanks for always cheering me up and cheering me on and reminding me that we can do this! Like I always tell you, you’re SUCH an inspiration to me—and to everyone else—and I’m super glad we found each other!

      You’re right—we’re in this together!! (Even though you have just whizzed right on by me and now weigh about 10 lbs. less than me! What happened to us always being within a pound, huh?! Ha! 😉 )

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I am sorry I haven’t commented sooner. Please don’t be too hard on yourself, Rachael. We all have weeks like that. Just love yourself, and let it go.

    Here is an idea for you. It works sometimes for me, maybe it will for you. I sometimes find that publicly I eat better than privately, and as you said, it isn’t just about what we eat, but how. Next time you crave McDonald’s, and when you can’t replace that craving with something more healthy, why not just park the car and go inside.

    Order what you will. I am thinking the 6 piece nuggets instead of 10, and maybe not so much sauce. Then go to a table in the middle of the dining room. Sit there, remembering all the people here in the blog world who love you and sit with you, even if only figuratively. Sit with your head and chin high, and enjoy those nuggets.

    Then come write to us, or if you want, just one of us. Tell us about it. I promise you’ll be received with kindness and love. And I am betting the money in my pocket, you’ll eat less.

    Hugs to you today

    Liked by 3 people

    • Bobby, I am a crier. I feel like this is something that needs to be said. I cry when I’m happy, I cry when I’m sad, I cry when I’m nervous, anxious, and scared. I cry sometimes for no reason at all.

      And this comment definitely made me shed some tears (good ones, though!).

      You are one of the sweetest guys in the world, and nothing that I could ever write could be enough to tell you what this comment meant to me. It is so incredible to me that you can care so much about my well-being. This comment changed my week TREMENDOUSLY. My week was so much better, and your words were a nice little turning point.

      I worry about disappointing people out here in our little corner of the blogosphere. I do. 89 people care enough to follow my blog, and I hate to think that I’m letting them down in any way, shape, or form. Sometimes I forget to care about myself just as much, though. It’s so nice to know that you won’t be as hard on me as I am on myself. It’s so nice to know that if I do go to McDonald’s or something, I can think of you and the rest of my blogosphere friends and think, “ya know, they probably won’t care so much about WHAT or WHERE it is that I ate as long as I controlled my portions.”

      Next time I get a craving, I’m going to take your advice.

      Thank you, Bobby — for the advice, the support, the kindness, and, most of all, for being such a wonderful example of how to successfully navigate this journey!

      Like

      • I know they were happy tears, but that doesn’t change that I feel bad that I made you cry. That was never my intention.

        You are kind to call me one of the sweetest guys in the world. I am honored and proud that you think so. It truly means a lot to me.

        The accountability that we all share by posting to our blogs is a key component to success, of that I am convinced. I don’t attend Weight Watchers meetings, so my “meeting” happens here, or on Facebook. I have received so much kindness and support over these past 55 weeks, such that I cannot begin to describe. And, I know what you mean about not disappointing those who follow me. Here, though, is something I have learned for myself.

        I think the only way that I could disappoint those kind enough to read my blog would be to lose transparency. As long as I am being myself, and being honest with myself and my readers, I am confident that the support will always be there. Whether that belief in 100% of the readers is a fool’s folly, I don’t know. I do know that there exists a core of readers who will support me no matter what my results show, as long as I give them with candor and honesty. The same is true for you. You have always been candid and honest in your postings, even when the results weren’t what you wanted. And that is why people like me, Alison, Amber, Deborah and others are so supportive of you.

        I meant it when I said you could come here to tell all of us, or only one of us if you wanted. I’ll back that up with my email address, which I’ll send you on your contact page.

        Hugs and enthusiastic high fives to you!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. A loss is a loss, my friend! We will always run into obstacles here and there, but the end goal is what is important. If you remember why you started this in the first place and remember how important it is to you to get to your goal, skipping over those urges and making good choices should end up winning in the end.

    Everyone takes this pressure differently, but remember that you have a whole world of support on this site every step of the way.

    You’ve been a great motivator for me, just watching your progress and reading about your successes and struggles. We can do this!

    Amber

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you so much, Amber!

      You are so kind and such a good friend! I am so glad that we found each other!

      Your support means more to me than I can say, and I hope you know that I’m supporting you just as ferociously in return! I want to see you succeed right alongside me! I want all of us to live better, healthier, and happier lives!

      If we all stick together, keep motivating and supporting each other, and just keep trudging through the dark times, we’ll all make it to the finish line. Although I have my moments, in the end, I truly believe we can all do this!

      Liked by 1 person

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