Choice/Change

Hi, friends!

Since I’ve always stated — from the get-go — that I was going to share the good and bad parts of my journey, the challenges and the struggles, the ups and downs, and the twists and turns that I encountered as I walked this road, I feel the need to tell you all about what I did this past Friday night.

My friend, the U.S. Air Force Officer that I’ve mentioned in several of my posts, flew in for the weekend on his way back from a week-long NRA workshop in New Mexico. As always, he made a point to see me for the short time he was here.

Since he gave me a couple of days’ notice, I was able to plan for a Friday night outing.

As usual, we went to a brewery for some late-night beers and appetizers — the staple activity of most early twenty-somethings. I saved 10 of my daily points for the outing, and I made a plan that would easily get me through the night with those points plus an additional 1P+ dip into my weekly allowance — a plan that I was happy with and felt confident I could stick to.

I decided I was going to have one 12 oz. beer (5P+) and then order chicken potstickers (11P+) and only eat half (6P+). If I followed through with my plan, then I’d have used a very safe and reasonable 11P+ for the outing, and I’d only have dipped into my weekly allowance by 1P+.

I got to the brewery, and I did all of these things. I stuck to one beer, I only ate half of the order of chicken potstickers, and I was feeling great and in control. I tracked everything as I went along, and I did everything that I was “supposed” to do.

But then time started to slip away from us.

We’d arrived at the brewery just before 8 PM, and before I knew it, our conversation and laugher had us knocking on 11:30’s door. Once we noticed the time, my friend looked at me and said, “Do you want to order another appetizer, Rach?” 

And I hesitated.

I didn’t plan for this.

I had gotten the nutritional information of the brewery food several days prior, and I knew that there were really only two “safe” appetizer choices: the chicken potstickers (11P+) and the Thai shrimp lettuce wraps (9P+). He’d already let me order the potstickers earlier, so I knew that whatever we ordered next — if we did order — would be his choice, and I also knew that he wasn’t going to stick with something “safe.”

But, even knowing all of this, I gave in anyway.

I let him order another appetizer.

And when he ordered the greasy, deep-fried, cheese-covered, crispy potato skins platter, I wasn’t surprised.

And when the platter came and I saw 12 potato skins laid out in front of us, I knew I had a choice to make.

How much am I going to eat?

I put one on my plate, and I took a bite.

It tasted like my old life.

It tasted good.

So then I had another. And another. And another.

And then I stopped.

I had four of them.

That’s it.

And then I watched him eat the other eight potato skins and I felt… OK.

There was a moment of brief panic, yes, but then I stopped panicking and I just let it go because I was in control. I knew what I was doing. I knew that I was going to stop at four potato skins, and I also knew that I was going to figure out the nutritional information of those four potato skins as soon as I got home and I was going to track them no matter what. Even if those potato skins had cost me 30 or 40P+, I was going to track them.

Because I was in control. The food was not in control.

And that’s what I did. I went home, and before I crawled into bed at 1 ‘o clock in the morning, I figured out the nutritional information, and I tracked it.

They cost me 12P+, so I ended up using a total of 13 of my weekly allowance for the night.

I used 56P+ for the day.

And it was OK.


Until yesterday morning, that is.

I woke up yesterday feeling like there were rocks in my stomach. I had a scratchy throat and awful cotton mouth, too.

Really, I just felt awful in general.

I laid in bed with my puppy until the afternoon rolled around and I finally started to feel like myself again.

Weirdly, I felt like I was hungover, but I’d only had one beer, so I knew that that wasn’t the case.

No.

It was the food.

Those potato skins were really good, but they were also really greasy. They were deep-fried and were completely soaked in grease, and then they were slathered in cheese to top it all off.

I think the shocking truth of the matter is that my body just cannot handle that type of food anymore. I don’t eat like this anymore. For almost 7 months, I’ve stayed away from anything and everything deep-fried, and I avoid anything greasy like it’s the plague. I also don’t eat full-fat cheese anymore either; when I do eat cheese, it’s of the reduced-fat variety. My body didn’t like what I put into it on Friday night, and it definitely made that known on Saturday morning.

I didn’t end up eating any food until yesterday afternoon, so I ended up being under my daily allowance by 16P+. So, weirdly, everything already evened out points-wise, so I don’t think the scale is going to show anything crazy this Friday. I think everything is going to be normal — or my new version of normal, at least.


What’s super important about all of this is that I was able to just let go and continue on. Once I did finally get around to eating yesterday, I ate normally — I ate the typical, healthy food I’ve grown accustomed to eating these days. I haven’t let my choices from Friday night influence anything else I’ve eaten the rest of the weekend. Those potato skins were just a blip on the radar — a choice I made that didn’t have any real impact on what I’m doing.

That, in and of itself, is a big deal, because I’ve written several blogs along the way in which that wasn’t the case. There have been plenty of times where one “unhealthy” choice led to another one and another and another and suddenly my week wasn’t that great. This time, I was OK. This time, I had a pretty “normal” experience.

In the future, I don’t plan to order or indulge in potato skins or anything else that’s extra greasy when I go out to the bar or to a restaurant; I really didn’t like feeling like crap on Saturday morning. However, it’s still nice to know that I could order them if I wanted to — that I have the mental strength to make a choice like that now.

Because that’s really cool.

rachaelxoxo

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10 thoughts on “Choice/Change

  1. I applaud you for writing this post. This is a huge moment in your journey, and I bet you’ll carry this with you the rest of the way as a reminder of so many things that you’ve laid out here.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks… again 😉

      I blog for the sake of blogging and to interact with everyone else and share, BUT… I really started blogging for me. I wanted to keep a record of what I was doing, hold myself accountable, and be able to look back and see what I’ve gone through. So, at the end of the day, I blog to give myself little reminders about how far I’ve come and why I don’t EVER, EVER, EVER want or need to go back.

      This was a big moment, for sure — so big that I felt it deserved it’s own special little documentation! And, as usual, you’re right: this is a lesson I’ll be carrying with me until the end 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • Isn’t that so funny? I think all of us started blogging for ourselves. These reminders of where we’ve been, straight from the source, are the best motivation I’ve found yet!

        Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much!

      I absolutely believe that you COULD manage it.

      It has taken me about 7 months to get to this point. It certainly did not happen overnight. Just a couple of weeks ago, I wrote a blog detailing the fact that I was having a bad week and ended up shoving low-fat tortilla chips into my mouth by the FISTFUL.

      So this process is ongoing. I’ve had my shining moments — moments like this one — but I’ve also had plenty of awful moments — moments where this weight loss journey gets to be just a little too daunting and I don’t want to continue.

      But then I remember what it was like to be almost 320 lbs., and I press on.

      Being overweight or obese is AWFUL for anyone who suffers with the problem.

      HOWEVER… I would not even wish for my worst enemy to be over 300 lbs. That is a different level of obesity. I can do things now at 260.8 that I never even dreamed of when I was over 300 lbs. I was a complete shut-in and I wasn’t even living… I was just existing. I cheated myself out of so many things, and I am so thankful that I finally put an end to it.

      I am so proud of you for taking control of your life and starting this journey to become a healthier you. I want to see your success, and I totally believe you will get there.

      This may not be easy now, but I swear, you can absolutely get to where you want to go. I believe in you!

      Liked by 2 people

    • You may absolutely call me Rach if you would like 🙂

      Very few people who know me in-person call me Rachael. The majority of people I know call me either Rach or Rae. Rachael is a little too formal for me… My personality is very, very laid back.

      So if you would like to call me Rach, then please do! 😉

      Thank you for always stopping by to support me, Bobby! I appreciate it so much! This weekend was DEFINITELY a big learning curve. I’m glad that I was able to experience this.

      And thanks for the tip! I will make sure to do lots of extra hydrating! I don’t want to see a gain on Friday… not when I’m so close to being in the 250s and to a 60 lb. loss! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, my dearest friend!

      You have been showing up to support me from the get-go, and that has meant so much to me. I would not have achieved these victories without the support I get from this blog! I truly believe that. Your kindness and encouragement means so much to me, Deborah. Thank you, thank you, thank you for always cheering me on and for being proud of me.

      I owe you so much! ❤

      Like

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