258.0

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Starting Weight: 318.2 lbs.
Weight Last Week: 254.6 lbs.
Current Weight: 258 lbs.
Weekly Change: +3.4 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 60.2 lbs.


Hi, friends.

I spent a good chunk of my day in a really foul mood, and, yes, it was partially because of my seemingly unwarranted 3.4 lb. gain this week, but mostly my mood was so sour because of the fact that I’m not happy that I still continue to let the scale dictate so much of my day. I really, really, really, need to work on that.

As most of you know by now, I do not own a scale of my own; the only way that I’m able to know my weight from week-to-week is if I physically go in to Weight Watchers and step on their scale. So, usually, I have no idea what my weight is prior to my normal Friday morning weigh-ins. However, that wasn’t exactly the case this week. I went to my doctor’s office yesterday to finally get my back examined (which I talked a bit about last week), and when I stepped on their scale at 11:30 AM, it read 256.4 lbs.—exactly 2 lbs. more than I weighed last Friday. I was incredibly shocked to see a 2 lb. increase yesterday—incredibly, incredibly shocked.

After seeing that increase yesterday, though, I knew going in to my weigh-in this morning that I’d have to just chalk up the week as a gain (unless, by chance, there’d been some sort of miracle overnight), so I went in to my weigh-in this morning with what I thought was a levelheaded attitude. But then when I hopped on the scale at 9 AM (less than 24 hours later!) at Weight Watchers, it said 258 lbs.! I had, apparently, gained even more weight overnight!

So yeah. I’m sure you can understand that I was very confused and also very upset by this development.

OK, let’s be real. I was distraught.

I’m almost back up in the 260s!

My eating was totally on track this past week; I ate either at or below my point target every single day except for Tuesday—on Tuesday I used 9 of my weeklies to eat an order of McDonald’s French fries. But that’s it!

So, yes, I know what this means—I know that this is just water weight and not actual poundage because, no, I absolutely did not eat the requisite ~12,250 excess calories that would have warranted a nearly 4 lb. gain.

But does that make it suck any less?

No.


When I went to the doctor yesterday, my GP was so thrilled with my weight loss. He told me he was proud of me more times than I can count. It made me feel so good about myself to receive such praise and recognition for my hard work. It really meant a lot to hear that from the man whom I entrust my healthcare to. He’s been my doctor for about 20 years now, so he’s seen me at my best and worst and at the highest and lowest points of my lifelong weight loss journey. He saw something in my eyes yesterday, though, that made him truly believe that I was serious about getting my health straightened out this time around.

I like that I’m projecting that these days.

As I’ve mentioned several times in numerous blogs, I have a bum knee thanks to an accident I had just over 8 years ago, and my doctor was quick to rattle off just how great the weight loss has been for my knee.

“For every one pound lost from your waist, you take five pounds of impact off of your knees. So, at this point, you’ve taken over 300 pounds of impact off of your knees.”

After he said that, there may or may not have been some ecstatic high-fiving…

Then he went through the process of diagnosing my back pain.

As soon as he lifted up my shirt and started pressing on my lower back, he discovered the first problem: back mice. Back mice are little lumps that move around when touched, and they also, as I learned from experience, are very painful when pressed. Back mice are found in more women than men, and guess what’s known to be a direct cause or link?
O B E S I T Y.

Yepp.

Obesity.

For a really long time, I allowed myself to continue to binge and gain weight and whatnot because of the fact that I was a “healthy” fat girl. I didn’t have diabetes. I didn’t have high blood pressure or cholesterol. I didn’t have lymphedema. I didn’t have any diseases or problems typically associated with obesity, so, therefore, I didn’t have any reason to stop gorging myself either.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, that’s no longer the case.

I can now officially say that my health has been negatively impacted by obesity.

And what really sucks is that this problem is probably going to be a chronic one.

Many people who suffer with back mice try just about everything—including surgery—and still find no relief.

Which really, really, really sucks.

Aside from the back mice, my doctor said that my back is also out of alignment. And guess what that’s from? W E I G H T L O S S.

Yepp.

Weight loss.

So, in a nutshell, my first problem is because I’m fat, and the second problem is because I’m working to be less fat.

Catch twenty-two, right?

Apparently, even though weight loss is very good for the body as a whole, it can also be very brutal on your muscles and bones during the whole process. My doctor said that having lost over 60 lbs. (in my case) means that my weight is now being distributed very differently, and, in response, by body is obviously in distress (hence the onset of pain).

He ended up giving me several different stretches and exercises to do twice a day (once when I get up and then again before bed), and he also prescribed me two new medications: meloxicam (to be taken in the morning) and cyclobenzaprine (to be taken before bed). I have to take these medications for the next 30 days, along with doing my stretches and exercises, to see if I can loosen up and get my bones and body back into shape. If I’m still in pain in 30 days, then I have to go back to see my doctor to talk about some other options.

So far, the cyclobenzaprine is the only thing that’s giving me any relief whatsoever.

Well, that and the massage chair at my nail salon that I utilized this afternoon when I got a pedicure to blow off some steam about my weight gain…


Also, the oral defense of my thesis has now been rescheduled twice (neither of which instance was any of my doing), and that’s been causing a lot of anxiety and stress for me.

I honestly can’t wait for this semester to be over.

I’m totally burnt out.

Thinking about all of this: my schoolwork (particularly my thesis) and my atrocious back pain and starting a couple of brand new medications, it’s really no wonder that my body retained a lot of water this week.

I think it’s pretty safe to say that my body is in distress—or at least it thinks it’s in distress.

I’m really hoping that I can calm down, get my back pain under control a bit more, stay on track food-wise just as I have been, and then, in response, see a big loss this week when I weigh-in. It’s terrifying to be back up near the 260s again, especially when I was so close to the 240s.

This is all part of the journey, though. Even though, yes, I am somewhat upset about this, I know that it’s going to be OK and I know that this is a completely normal occurrence. Every week is not going to be smooth sailing. Every week is not going to go exactly as I planned it. That’s simply not how life works.

I hope each of you had a better week than I did, and I also wish you a wonderful upcoming week, too.

Eat well. Be well.

rachaelxoxo

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9 thoughts on “258.0

  1. Oops, my comment got put on the wrong page. Sorry! I always felt the same. I had a strong heart, regular blood pressure, none of the “obesity diseases” so I took no one’s BS about not being able to be healthy and overweight. But there is overweight and hella overweight like me. The swelling in my legs is the worst.

    I had a moment sort of like this, this week, when I thought I had gained two pounds, then it corrected itself and said I was the same as the week before. I was just as disappointed, to be honest. The numbers represent progress, and it’s so hard when you are still making progress but the numbers don’t reflect it.

    So sorry to hear about your back. I can just imagine what I will comes across as the layers of pounds shed from my body. :/ Still, I keep moving ahead. Thank you for your inspiration! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your comment!

      I used to call myself “overweight” all the time, but then I realized that since I was, at one point, pushing 320 lbs., that I was far beyond “normal” overweight, but I wouldn’t be told otherwise. I was still “healthy” at 300+ lbs.! There was nothing wrong with me! Pshh.

      The truth is, though, that no matter what, fat isn’t healthy. I’m paying the price now. I’m 22 and for about a month or so now, there have been several mornings when I couldn’t even crawl out of bed because my back was just SCREAMING. Today when I went to WW, I walked in holding my back. My leader actually came to open the door for me because she said I looked like I was in horrible pain just walking across the parking lot (and I was).

      If stuff isn’t going on right in the moment, that doesn’t mean that there won’t be problems down the line. I wish I could’ve told myself that when I wasn’t quite as large! But oh well. Live and learn.

      And yes, I agree. Numbers do represent progress, and it is very hard when the scale doesn’t show your effort. Why is it so easy to put weight on but so difficult to get it off? One of life’s greatest mysteries!

      I hope you had a better week this week and that your scale showed your progress. I’m rooting for you! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The saying “when it rains, it pours” is often so true. I’m so sorry about your back, and your delayed thesis defense. When I was on WW a couple of years ago, I had my gallbladder incident that sent me into a tailspin, which ultimate led to me gaining 50lbs. My weight loss precipitated my gallstones. I remember being so frustrated that I was finally actively choosing to be healthier, but I was still a victim to my body. I wish I had just stuck with my weight loss instead of giving up. I know you have the strength to fight through this, and when you don’t this community is always here to lean on ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are doing so well now, Brittany, and that is what’s important! It’s OK that you fell off track for a little bit after your gallbladder issues. That was a learning experience! Weight loss happens when you’re ready. You’re working your butt off now, and I am SO proud of you! ❤

      Like

  3. We had such a similar week! Reading this post really helped motivate me to stay on track this week. I kept thinking “things are going to get better for Rachael. She’s going to have a huge loss this week!” and then realized that I too could have a success if I work hard like you are. Thanks for the motivation and I really hope your back pain stops!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for this, Emma! You are so sweet.

      I wholeheartedly believe in you, and I know that you are going to be successful with your weight loss! We all struggle and we all have hard times. We will make it through this, and we will lose the weight! We can BOTH do this! We just need to focus! 😉

      I hope you had a wonderful week, lady! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Rachel, I wrote a long comment, then it deleted. Sigh.
    It’s the meds , not you.
    Girl, you can make through this.
    Remember when my back was hurting? I went to a chiropractor and I hated him. But when it was all over I liked him. My back hasn’t hurt since and I’ve done a lot of physical labor. In the past I would have taken two Aleve and went to bed, but not now.
    It might be worth a try.
    This is your first weight gain. Next week it’ll be gone. I know you know. But knowing doesn’t make you feel better.
    Heard of this saying?
    “When the going gets tough,
    The tough get going.”
    You’re tough girl, you’re doing well, and we are proud of ya!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, as always, Deborah!

      I don’t know what I would do without you and your wonderful, positive comments! You’re the best! I am so thankful we found each other through WordPress! 😀

      I think the chiropractor is going to be my next stop. I just need a recommendation from my doctor so that my medical insurance covers it! At this point, I’d do just about anything to feel better!

      Liked by 1 person

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