#WeighThis

Hi, friends.

I was on YouTube this morning making a Styx playlist to listen to while cleaning.

Before the video for “Lady” came on, this advertisement for Lean Cuisine played:

When I blogged to you guys this past Friday, I was feeling kind of melancholy (obviously).

One of the questions I asked myself to reflect upon on Friday was, What have you done in your life that’s made you proud?

My answer to that was, The only things that I’ve ever really done in my life that I’m truly proud of is earning summa cum laude on my honors thesis and managing to keep a 4.0 in my major throughout my entire undergraduate career.

On Friday, I didn’t like that answer—I didn’t like it one bit.

Yes, summa cum laude is a big deal, and, yes, maintaining a 4.0 in my major throughout the entirety of my undergraduate career is a big deal, and, yes, the dean’s list nominations that accompanied all of that are a big deal, too… But I couldn’t get past the fact that those are the only things I was/am proud of.

I felt like there should’ve been something else on that list, too.

I was really, really stuck on the whole weight loss thing, which isn’t really surprising, is it?

I’ve been stuck on that since I started this journey.

In my mind, logically, I know that losing 65/66/67/68 lbs. (whatever the heck number I’ve settled on this week) is something that I should be proud of… I tell myself that I should be proud, I vocalize that I’m proud… But I’m actually not… I don’t really feel proud. If a stranger out on the street asked me to describe what I’ve accomplished in life that I’m really proud of, I wouldn’t spout off anything about my weight loss.

Does that mean that it doesn’t matter as much as I thought it does?

And if that’s the case, is that really a bad thing like I originally thought it was?

If a stranger out on the street asked me what I’m proud of, without a second thought, I’d spout off my academic accomplishments because those are the things that first come to mind and those are the things that really matter to me in my heart.

On Friday, I was convinced that part of the reason why I don’t like who I see in the mirror is because I’m not giving credit where credit is due—I’m not acknowledging that my weight loss is awesome and something to be proud of.

But after watching this advertisement, I’m starting to think that maybe the fact that the weight loss isn’t as important to me as some of the other things I’ve done in my life is actually a good thing; maybe this train of thought is actually what’s going to get me to the healthy place that I need to be.

Because I’m more than the numbers on the scale.

I have done something in my life that I’m proud of that is way more important to me than my weight loss.

And although I’m no where close to where I need to be mentally, I think that realizing this is a really good start.

rachaelxoxo

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8 thoughts on “#WeighThis

  1. Hi Rachel,
    I read your last post, but due to visiting grandchildren I was unable to comment.
    I was very concerned for you. (Worried)
    All I could think of was:
    DONT GIVE UP- NEVER GIVE UP! Don’t be like me- struggling with weight- diets for over 41 years.
    Yes it is true that God has been merciful to me and allowed me to walk in victory now. But- if only I had sought His guidance all those years ago, my life could have been so different.
    I want victory for you now.
    Victory is not a number .
    Victory is on the inside of you. Remember all the work and struggle to get that 4.0. Well you going through it again just with this. You will have victory- you will .
    Victory is a well lived life.
    Victory is being happy with yourself as is.
    In John 10:10, Jesus came to give us abundant life and to set us free. You my friend are showing forth victory as we all watch and behold the great changes we see in your blogs.
    Victory is not determined by a scale – victory is determined by the condition of the heart. My young friend- you have heart. Therefore you are victorious!
    You’re just paying those dues- the greater the struggles- the greater the victory. My friend- your greatest victory is just ahead. So don’t you ever give up.
    We all have a piece of you in our hearts. Praying for you in God’s love, Debbie

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good morning, Rachael. I really like your perspective in this post. You dug down and thought hard about yourself, and you reached a conclusion about what is important in your life, and you are RIGHT. You are so, so, so much more than the number on a scale, or the collective numbers on the tape measure. You are a vibrant, smart, wonderful woman. Your academic accomplishments ARE far more important than what you’ve done on the scale. As a casual, internet friend, I am really proud of you for coming to this realization.

    Keep up the good work. Don’t ever stop tying to be the best Rachael you can be. And, along the way, be sure to love who you are at THAT MOMENT in time. Not the idealized Rachael of the future, but the one staring back at you.

    Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, thank you, thank you for your unwavering support, Bobby! It means more to me than I could ever say. I am so thankful to have met you! ❤

      I am trying my hardest to take your advice and love who I am RIGHT NOW. Sometimes that's easier said than done, but I am working on it, nevertheless. I am hoping to eventually get to the point where I love myself ALL THE TIME, and I am going to remember the things you've said to me and try to use your advice and words of wisdom to get me to where I want and need to be.

      I feel so fortunate to have stumbled upon you out here in cyberspace. Thank you for all of your help!

      Like

  3. Rachel,

    We finally got home from our months away due to Hubby’s temporary work assignment and visiting grandchildren.

    I had no scales on this trip, so while Hubby was at work I walked to the store, put my quarter in, and weighed myself.
    Wednesday a week ago those store scales said I weighed 150.9.
    Now yesterday my home scales said I weigh 161.
    I can’t explain this, been eating the same. I had a long car trip, rode for over 8 hours for three days, no exercise, and very little water due to less road stops. That’s all I can think of, water weight gain? I don’t know, but a 10 pound gain in a week? Ahhhhhhhhh!
    My friend said, “You should know better than to trust those store scales.”
    10 pound gain in a week-sigh. I just don’t understand, but thought I would share my pain. Ahhhhhhhh!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Don’t be discouraged my dear, dear friend!

      Please remember all of the wonderful, heartfelt, and encouraging things you’ve said to me throughout the time we’ve known each other, probably the most important of which being: never, never, never give up! You will pull through this, and, as always, you will come out on top and will be able to celebrate your victory!

      All scales are calibrated differently, so they do give different readings. So there’s definitely a chance that the store scale was off some.

      HOWEVER… You would’ve had to have eaten thousands upon thousands of excess calories in order to gain 10 pounds of fat in just one week—so THAT didn’t happen.

      Some of that weight—a couple of pounds, maybe—is probably fat. The rest? I’d DEFINITELY chalk it up to water retention. You weren’t at home, so you therefore lost the ability to prepare ALL of your own meals—that means that you didn’t really have control of what went into your food. There was probably a lot more sodium in your food than what’s “normal” for you, and sodium makes you retain water. Stress, traveling, lacking the ability to constantly get up to move around, and all of those other factors probably played a part in your “gain” too.

      Just settle in at home, get back to your normal routine, keep your faith, and you will persevere.

      I believe in you, Debbie—you know this!

      This isn’t “real” weight—meaning it’s NOT 10 lbs. of fat—so you will be back on track before you know it.

      I can’t wait to hear of the great things to come in your journey. You will get to where you want to be eventually!

      XOXO ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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