Starting Weight: 318.2 lbs.
Weight Last Week: 237.2 lbs.
Current Weight: 236.6 lbs.
Weekly Change: –0.6 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 81.6 lbs.
I apologize that my post is a day late—life has been hectic this week (or, really, for the past several months), and I have simply resorted to posting when I can instead of adhering to the strict posting schedule I once followed. Please know, though, that I’ll never abandon the blog. I usually get several emails from some of my most loyal followers when I skip a posting, so I just wanted to let you all know that even when I’m struggling, I’ll still make sure to find some time to write to you guys; sometimes I’ll be late, but I’ll never completely disappear—I promise!
This week started out very, very badly but ended on a very, very high note.
On Monday, my beloved cocker spaniel, Charlie Brown, had to be taken to an emergency veterinary trauma hospital, and it was horrifically traumatizing (and also very expensive). He was diagnosed with hemorrhagic gastroenteritis, and it was so, so bad. I am still thanking my lucky stars that I was with him when the bleeding started and that he wasn’t home alone because had he been, he’d have surely lost his life, which is scary to think about since he’s only 18-months-old.
CB is my very best friend, and that’s no exaggeration. I have had him since he was 8-weeks-old, and at the time I got him, I still weighed 320 lbs. My life was miserable back then, I was a recluse, and I could count on one hand the number of “friends” I had. Since they placed him in my arms, though, CB (my little puppy mill rescue!), has been a ray of sunshine to break through my darkness. There’s a reason why dogs are said to be man’s best friend; the loyalty and the affection this dog has shown me since day one has been unbelievable. CB, too, is the reason why I first started exercising; he was the very first reason I found to get up off the couch and do at least a couple of walks around the block.
In short, there are very few things in this world that I love more than Charlie Brown, and after assuming that even with some form of treatment I was still, most likely, going to lose him, I went off the rails a tiny bit. The 3 days he was hospitalized, the quality of my food was terrible, and my Weight Watchers tracker didn’t see any action. I was haphazardly trying to mentally track, but I couldn’t be bothered to actually do it. My choices weren’t horrible, per say, but they definitely weren’t good either. The quality was the problem, though—not the quantity—and I knew I was, in some ways, self-medicating, but I was still very aware of myself and still trying, at least somewhat, to maintain my healthy attitude.
When I realized that CB was going to be OK, I turned things around immediately.
Which is how I ended up losing just over half a pound this week.
When I last wrote, I mentioned that I’d met someone…
You guys… He’s incredible.
For some crazy reason, this guy thinks I’m something to write home about, and I’ve smiled a whole lot more since I met him than I have in a very, very long time.
He’s sweeter than sugar, and he never seems to run out of nice, complimentary things to say, and while normally I’d be a bit skeptical of this, he really and truly seems to genuinely mean what he’s saying.
Every time he tells me how beautiful he thinks I am or how attractive I am, I inwardly cringe a little bit and I think to myself… God I wish I could see in myself what you seem to see in me…
But I don’t tell him that… I just accept the compliments and hope that, someday, maybe I’ll learn to treat myself as nicely as this guy has been treating me.
This is so different than anything I’ve ever experienced before. I have minimal experience with men—far less than your average 22/23-year-old woman—but I’m not totally inexperienced. Without going into too many details, let’s just say that even I know that the way I’ve been treated by men in the past is far less than I deserved… But this? This is new and foreign and exciting and exhilarating… and I feel young—I feel like a normal twenty-something!
I’ll have to let you know how things go as this progresses, but right now… I’m happy and excited and I genuinely like this guy, and that has nothing to do with the fact that he likes me. For once in my life, I don’t feel like I’m settling for whatever I can get. For some reason, this really tall, really handsome, really funny, really nice guy with an incredible smile is interested in me, and I’m definitely interested in him… so I’m just going with it!
Whatever happens, happens.
What’s most interesting about this, though, is that he said the most incredible thing to me last night that meant more to me than almost anything anyone else has ever said to me before has. He said that what he first noticed about me was my vibe. He said that I carried myself with grace and confidence—that it was like my happiness shown from every part of me. He said that I was glowing—that he thinks I’m a beautiful woman, without a doubt, but that it was everything else—my smile, the look in my eyes, and the glow that follows me around—that attracted him and made him decide to take a chance on me.
A year ago, I was miserable. I hated my life, I hated myself, and I couldn’t bear to walk with my head held high. To be told now that all of that’s changed—that who I’ve always wanted to be is now showing on the outside… that means more to me than I can articulate.
It’s nice to be told you’re beautiful or attractive or sexy—it is… But it’s even better to be told that you glow with grace and happiness and confidence.
In about an hour or so, I’m going to meet my friend Jay for a walk to continue practicing for the 5K we’re doing, which is now in less than a month. With my dog being sick this week, I slacked big time and didn’t walk at all. I’m assuming that the walk with Jay today is going to be semi-difficult because of that, but it is what it is, and I’ll get through it.
I’m going to give it my all and give it my best, and if it’s not up to par with what I was doing before, so be it. Getting out there and doing it is what’s important to me today.
Wish me luck!
I graduate from college in about a month, and I couldn’t be more excited.
Whatever I weigh on that day is whatever I weigh—my goal now is just to be happy.
I’ve come a long way in my health journey, I like myself a whole lot more these days, and I’m constantly working to better myself.
I worked hard for my degree—I’ve been on the Dean’s List nearly every semester and I’m graduating summa cum laude to boot. My weight doesn’t get to take away from that—no matter what. I am going to be happy and celebrate my accomplishments whether my weight is up or down.
I wanted to be down 100 lbs. by then, but I know that’s not going to happen.
But that’s OK.
It’s better than OK because I’m better than OK.
I hope you’re all well, and I wish you a wonderful week.
Eat well. Be well.