240 (sigh)

240

Starting Weight: 318.2 lbs.
Weight Last Week: 239 lbs.
Current Weight: 240 lbs.
Weekly Change: + 1 lb.
Total Weight Lost: 78.2 lbs.


Hello, hello, hello!

I’m late (which tends to happen quite often these days!),  and I’m sorry.

Life is rough. Life is busy! But life is good.

I gained a pound last Friday, and, the truth is, it was warranted.

I increased my exercise big time. Weight Watchers doles out FitPoints to members daily (these are “extra” points awarded for moving more and for doing purposeful exercise), and after taking a quick assessment on the Weight Watchers mobile app or on the Weight Watchers webpage, they assign you a weekly “goal” that you’re supposed to strive to hit.

After taking my assessment, Weight Watchers set my goal to 30 FitPoints per week.

Last week, I earned 96.

That’s all fine and dandy, and it definitely is something I’m super proud of… But the thing is, I earned those points while I was desperately trying to “outrun my fork,” so to speak.

Last week, I demolished my daily points each and every day, blew through all 42 of my weeklies, and managed to scarf down every last FitPoint I earned, too… and I still ended the week at -9.

Yikes.

So I knew I was going to gain… But the thing is, it was still a really good week overall. I only made poor choices on two days last week. Yes, the choices were exceedingly poor, but it was only two days. The other five were stellar.

I also tracked every last bite, lick, and taste I took, hence why I knew that I ended the week in the negatives.

I threw everything I had into my exercise, and I worked damn hard.

And I felt good about it—even those two poorly executed days.

Life happens.


This week, I’ve thrown myself even more into exercise.

The miles my Nikes have seen these past few days are making them weep.

My dog has actually given up on me; he’s tired of being out on the trail with me. The past few days, we’ve only made it about half of my planned distance before he quits and I actually have to take him home and then go back out on my own.

I’ve earned over 130 FitPoints so far this week… but I, again, blew through my weeklies… And my tracking hasn’t been quite as honest.

Today, after I spent over an hour out on a trail alone being literally bowled over by the horrendous wind, I went home and ate two giant, delicious dark chocolate cookies… And I didn’t track one single bite.

I looked at the 120+ FitPoints I had in my arsenal and said… Screw it. I earned it. I worked for these cookies.

I enjoyed every bite.


I have a lot going on these days.

Within the next few weeks, I’m going to be hearing back from the University of Colorado about my application to the prerequisites/leveling program I applied to.

If I don’t get in, grad school won’t be an option… I’ll either have to bulk up my résumé and try again in a year, or I’ll have to reevaluate my life and see if there’s something else I want to pursue.

I go back and forth with myself about this daily… When I earned my Bachelor’s, I graduated summa cum laude and with distinction. I wrote an honors thesis that actually pertains to this field of study I’m trying to work my way into, and that gives me an “edge” over at least some of the competition since this isn’t something every undergraduate partakes in. The two professors I asked to write my letters of recommendation wrote me glowing reviews… And, to top it off, my GPA is well above the program’s requirement…

So I should get in, right?

I’m reeling, somewhat, from an argument I had with my dad a few weeks ago. He told me that my undergraduate degree was worthless and that I should never have studied something that required more education than a Bachelor’s.

He wants me to get my teaching certificate and be done with it—but I have no desire to teach, and I also have no desire to let my father plan my life for me when, truth be told, he didn’t do that great of a job planning his own.

I’m worried that if I don’t get into this program, I’ll have to listen to him say I told you so.

Sometimes I worry into a box of chocolates. And then I exercise until near collapse.

I need to find a balance and find a new way to handle stress.


My new job (that I can’t wait to tell you all about soon!) is sending me on a business trip in April, and I’ll admit, free and clear, that my new obsession with exercise is related to that.

I’m worried about fitting into an airplane seat… And being comfortable… And not being a bother to other passengers because I’m too big.

I’m also worried about what I’m going to be walking into once I arrive at my destination. I don’t want to have to explain my weight or appearance to anyone… And once I let the cat out of the bag and tell you all about my new job, you’ll understand, I think, why this is such a serious concern for me.

I want to be down about 10-12 lbs., if possible, by the time I leave for my business trip.

If I can stop trying to outrun my fork, I think this is doable.

I just have to pull it together.


I hope you’re all doing well.

If there are any lurkers out there, drop me a line… There are several of you out there that I am desperately missing and wondering about… If you’ve “fallen off the wagon” or whatever, that doesn’t matter to me… I’d just like to know how you are. Write me an email (you can do that here) if you don’t feel like commenting… Lately, several of you have been doing that, and I’m very appreciative!

I wish you a wonderful week. I’ll try my best to write on Friday… If not, I’ll be back to write this weekend!

Until next time,

Eat well. Be well.

rachaelxoxo

 

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “240 (sigh)

  1. Great numbers but what is most impressive is when the dog has had enough you take him home then STILL go back out! That takes some serious commitment. I have always used it as an excuse… The dog is finished, ah well thats me finished too. Thanks for that share, I shall be firmer with myself from now on….!

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  2. Pingback: I’m not dead! – My Journey–One Day at a Time

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