Tilt.

Hello, my dearest friends!

It’s been just over two weeks since I last checked in, and lots has happened since then! In fact, I sort of feel like I’ve been on a never-ending tilt-a-whirl ride. You know that one, right? It’s my absolute favorite amusement park attraction… The ride itself spins in one direction while the riders “tilt” the seats to spin in another direction, all the while you’re being rolled along in a sort of topsy-turvy fashion…

I have many fond childhood memories of laughing and squealing on the tilt-a-whirl, of closing my eyes in sheer bliss so I could just feel all of the different ways I was being thrown around… And, really, I can’t think of a more apt comparison of what these last two weeks have been like—they’ve really been just like those tilt-a-whirl rides of yesteryear… Fun, exciting, a little stressful and scary at times… And anyway you look at it, one heck of a ride!

I’m up a grand total of 0.4 lbs. since I last wrote, and, honestly, the scale is just a big ‘ole mystery to me right now…

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Last Posted Weight: 246.2 lbs.
Weigh-in #90 Weight: 246.4 lbs.
Weekly Change: +0.2 lbs.
Weigh-in #91 Weight: 246.6 lbs.
Weekly Change: +0.2 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 71.6 lbs.

Overall, my food consumption has been pretty good! Sure, here and there I’ve made some somewhat questionable choices, but everything has been tracked, and I’ve been pretty on point for the majority of the time—and that word there, by the way, majority, is what’s going to allow me to keep this up for the remainder of my life. I was just discussing this with one of my coworkers this morning, in fact: sometimes you eat the ice cream sundae, even if it drops you into the negatives. Sometimes you order the French fries instead of the fruits or veggies. Sometimes you have the beer or that glass of wine.

Life’s about checks and balances, plain and simple.

So, with that said, I’ve decided to just press onwards and upwards and hope for the best.

The scale has to move eventually… because that’s just how it works, isn’t it? Even though I gave up tracking the inches I’ve lost a long time ago, I know that I am, in fact, losing inches right now; something is happening. My clothes fit better, I’ve gone down another size in jeans, and nearly every day someone remarks how “great” I look and how the weight loss is super noticeable.

If only they knew, huh?

Anyway… enough of that! Let’s chat about what else is going on.

First and foremost, I’m back in school!

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It’s more difficult than I thought (hoped?) it’d be, to say the least. I turned in my first quiz this evening, and I just made the time cutoff by the skin of my teeth! I know that not everything was correct, but I tried my best…

My first anatomy and physiology exam is less than a week away, and I’m truly, truly dreading that. The material is so dense, and it’s very, very easy to get lost in a sea of endless diagrams and tedious technical terminology.

Also, to keep it real with you guys, I feel sort of inadequate in comparison to my classmates. I have a lot of theoretical experience under my belt: I’ve done a lot of undergraduate research, I’ve written a very long and detailed dissertation concerning relevant topics, and I certainly had the grades as an undergrad to land a spot in this cohort… But as for hands-on, personal, real-life clinical experience… I’m severely lacking… and by “severely lacking,” what I actually mean is that I have none… and that’s a real bummer because that’s something that a lot of my classmates, on the other hand, do have.

One of the cool things about working for Weight Watchers, though, is that you meet tons of people from all walks of life… And throughout my time as both a member and as an employee, I’ve managed to meet a handful of retired speech pathologists who, remarkably, still have some ins in the world of SLPs.

I took a chance while I was at work last Friday and just came right out and asked a member friend of mine who happens to be in that “recently retired” category if she might know of anyone who’d be willing to let me do some shadowing or get in some clinical hours, and she said that she might, indeed, be able to help me out by passing along my contact information! So I am really, really crossing my fingers that this works out… Because if the way I’m currently feeling in class is any indication, I’m going to need all the help and extra exposure I can get!

… Also, my best friend of 20 years gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a week ago, and he is so, so incredible. And did I mention beautiful? I love him, I love him, I love him.

I have never felt quite as nostalgic as I did when she placed him in my arms. I know it’s realistically too soon to say this, but I honestly think he looks just like her. I looked at his face for the first time, and I was instantly transported back to a church playground on a hot August day in the mid-’90s. I could almost taste the gritty sand on my tongue and feel those blistering hot monkey bars in my hands… And when he looked up at me with the same big, curious eyes as his mother, I saw in him, for a split second, that once pig-tail-framed face of the girl I’ve grown to love like a sister over the past two decades.

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After I stopped being so sappy, I took a moment to thumb through some older photos, and I found this little gem from 2011. I was 18 at the time.

YIKES

This is the most horrible picture I’ve ever taken, I think… I know as a former 320+ lb. woman I have taken a lot of bad pictures in my time, but this one truly horrifies me. I look so uncomfortable… and it makes me genuinely sad that I was too fat to hold this little guy up any higher or closer to me. When I see these photos, I just cringe at how horrific my life was not so long ago… and suddenly I find myself just a bit more motivated to keep the momentum going. I will not let myself end up back there… It’s just not an option.

In my last post, I mentioned that I was training for my seventh organized 5K, and that meant taking advantage of the beautiful Colorado sunshine we’ve been having recently!

Baby!

I trained for this race in the exact same way that I trained for the other six I completed, and while I was particularly nervous about this one because of my bad knee, I was really excited, too!

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The morning of the race, I was feeling really anxious, though… The course looked incredible, but it was a lot scarier looking than I imagined, and I started to realize that perhaps my approach of treating this like any other 5K was a mistake…


The obstacles were outrageous. And let me tell you a couple of things incase you ever find yourself wondering…

It is impossible to do anything but walk leisurely in a big farm field. The ground is awful: there are divots everywhere, more mud and unsteady ground than you’d ever imagine, and there is debris everywhere. Trying to jog or run or even walk quickly is just asking for trouble—it’s a broken ankle waiting to happen… and I know this because I saw just that (thankfully it was not my ankle…)!

On the flipside, doing anything but running inside of the inflatables is also impossible…. Well, maybe not impossible, but it’s certainly not a good idea. The slower you go, the easier it is to fall down. There’s so much momentum from the other participants that the inflatables are constantly moving. I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I could move as fast as I did inside of and on top of those inflatables… But after getting kicked in the head and body-slammed into the mud by a dude twice my size because I was going too slow and, thus, making myself an easy target for slips and falls, I learned my lesson.

That’s right… I actually ran.

I ran. I bounced. I crawled. I climbed. I pulled myself up with ropes. I got smacked in the face with moving inflatables and beachballs five times my size. I slid down slides so steep that I inadvertently found myself screaming on the way down. I did a tire run with a five-year-old and let a Marine pull me over a wall and straight down into a pit I thought I’d never be able to roll out of.

I worked my ass off.

And it really was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

But you know what? I’ve never felt more accomplished than I did when I slid across the finish line.

I’ll be at this race every single year from this point forward, without a doubt.

This was the first time I ever did a race and found myself equally as happy and exhilarated as I was irritated and exhausted.

This one was fun. I’m currently sporting a pretty awful sunburn and a ton of achey muscles, but there’s a part of me that’s already counting down to next year’s event… Who’da thunk it?

insane

insane2

 

I hope you’re all out there fabulously murdering your summer goals.

Until next time,

Eat well. Be well.

rachaelxoxo

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One thought on “Tilt.

  1. Pingback: 250.8 (Bring on the tears!) | My Journey–One Day at a Time

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