250.8 (Bring on the tears!)

250.8
Last Posted Weight: 246.6 lbs.
Weigh-in #92 Weight: 248.4 lbs.
Weekly Change: +1.8 lbs.
Weigh-in #93 Weight: 248.6 lbs.
Weekly Change: +0.2 lbs.
Weigh-in #94 Weight: 250.8 lbs.
Weekly Change: +2.2 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 67.4 lbs.


Whelp, it’s happened: I have—officially—done what I swore I’d never do again: I’m back above 250 lbs.

Friday was a sad day.

My coworker and friend, Sade, always weighs me; I like to joke that she’s my good luck charm because my biggest and most memorable weight loss milestones have always happened at her scale. She’s been traveling the past two Fridays, though, so I haven’t been able to weigh-in with her…

This last Friday, I did my own weigh-in at work for the first time ever… And it took some serious restraint not to fudge the numbers or strip off articles of clothing just so I could see that 5 disappear… But, alas, I owned up to my mistakes.

Because there have been some mistakes made, definitely.

June has been tough—really tough. I’ve been working anywhere from 5-7 days per week at Weight Watchers, and as you all know, I’m also in school… and it’s hard. I’m doing awesome in my clinical phonetics course (I have a solid A and a good understanding of the subject), but I’m floundering in my speech science (read: anatomy and physiology) course. On my first a+p exam, I got a low B… and I worked hard for that. I took my second exam yesterday, and I did really poorly: I got a C- (it was a D+ until my professor—miraculously—gave me a point back for a question that was wrongly docked during auto-grading).

My stress levels have been through the roof…

The only thing that’s allowed me to keep my head above water is the shadowing/interning I’ve done with some local speech-language pathologists here in the city. Last time I wrote, I mentioned that one of my member friends at Weight Watchers passed my name along to some of her former colleagues, and, since then, so many awesome opportunities have fallen into my lap . I’ve gotten to do and see some really incredible things, and I get so much joy from being elbows deep in the clinical world.

For the first time in my life, I feel like something that I’m struggling with is actually going to pan out and be worth it if I stick it out. I’ve mentioned my failed attempt at (and my subsequent dropping-out of) nursing school a time or two here on the blog, and I’ve candidly mentioned, too, that I sometimes have those same lingering “it’s time to quit while you’re ahead” thoughts about my weight loss journey, too.

But not this… Not graduate school and the career that I can now see so clearly on the horizon. For this, I will struggle.

The struggling comes with a price, though, it seems…

I’ve been eating a lot of convenience food because I just can’t seem to manage my time well enough to do much else these days. My once incredibly well thought out, home-cooked breakfasts have now morphed into microwaved breakfast sandwiches or burritos alongside a (hopefully non-moldy) piece of fruit… which I eat on my lap as I’m driving to work in the mornings… or at my desk in between weighing in members.

My car is a disaster. I was horrified yesterday when I noticed that my backseat had become a graveyard for (literally) over a dozen stray Dunkin’ Donuts, Starbucks, and Carino coffee cups. Somehow I’ve become a regular at three separate coffee shops… The baristas all know my name and my go-to orders (which, you’ll be happy to know, are all some form of black coffee loaded up with either soy or almond milk and sometimes a little sugar-free crap tossed in for good measure, too—all very point-friendly, I promise!).

I also rarely cook anymore. I either grab the most point-friendly take out option I can, or I end up making a salad or a sandwich for dinner. Sometimes I’ll quickly cook some eggs and toast if I’m really in the mood for something hot for dinner, but actually taking the time to look up recipes, plan a meal, cook it, and then eat it? Yeah. Not so much.

In short, the train has completely derailed at this point.

My Weight Watchers leader, Stephanie, always preaches that the key to this whole journey is not ridding yourself of the tools that helped lead to your success.

…I have totally and completely abandoned all of my tools.

Do I still track honestly, every single day, no matter what?  No. Do I still sit down and plan my meals for the week? No. Do I still set weekly goals? No. Do I still go to a Weight Watchers meeting every single week (as a member)? No.

My eating isn’t terrible… really! I’m not eating the way I used to when I was grossly overweight. When I do track, my tracker looks pretty good, and 9 times out of 10, I manage to stay within my daily/weekly points… But if I’m super honest with myself (and all of you), I’ll admit that I know I’m still not doing well. When I was really losing weight, I was hardly ever eating out—almost all of my food was home-cooked. Dessert? Sometimes, sure, but not on a regular basis (like I’m doing now). Back in the heyday of my weight loss success, I was really, really good about picking and choosing what was “worth it.” Now? Not so much.

Bad day at work? School? Anatomy and physiology homework making you go crosseyed? There’s no harm in a 15-point cupcake… as long as you track it!

In short, the quality of food I’m choosing is really, really poor… And I know that. I also know that I can’t outrun my fork… So poor food choices all the time, even in the “correct” quantity, are not going to benefit me.

These are things I know; I’m not living in denial… But my life is seriously shifting right now… And it’s quite a learning curve.

It turns out that nothing is quite like you expect it to be… (Whod’a thunk it, right? …I sound super 23 here, don’t I?) I expected my weight loss journey to go one way, and it’s definitely, definitely not lived up to my expectations. I also expected that graduating at the top of my class as an undergrad meant I’d also have it easy in graduate school, and that, too, is definitely not the case…

Oh well. So goes life!

I have to find a way to cope.

Weight Watchers is sending me to Chicago in about two weeks, so, preferably, I need to pull it together before then… Here’s hoping!


Speaking of Chicago… If you’re following me on Instagram, then you know that a couple of weeks ago, I finally met Amber in person!

Me & Amber

Coolest thing ever? Meeting my blogging friends in real life! Amber was visiting Denver with her boyfriend and her family, and she (thoughtfully!) decided to look me up! We met up at Cheesman Park and then, eventually, took our little chat back to where she was staying. We hung out all afternoon and had a really, really great time!

We had such a good time, in fact, that when I’m in Chicago in a couple of weeks, she and her boyfriend are planning to swing by my hotel when I’m not working/training so that we can grab a beer!

I seriously hope to do more of this at some point. Over the past (almost!) two years, so many of you guys have become such a big part of my life—you’ve become real, genuine friends… So in the (hopefully) not-so-distant future, I would really, really, really love to do a meet-up!

 

I hope you’re all doing well. Drop me a line and tell me about your summer!

Until next time,

Eat well. Be well.

rachaelxoxo

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3 thoughts on “250.8 (Bring on the tears!)

  1. It sounds like you haven’t given up, despite the setback. So you’re rocking that! You’ll find your balance, I’m sure of it.
    Have you heard of Anki? It’s a free flash card program that utilizes spaced repetition to really optimize your time when trying to memorize the unmemorable. I’ve been using google it (inconsistently) to try and learn JavaScript, and it has helped a lot. I don’t know if that will help with what you’re struggling with in anatomy and physiology, but I thought I’d let you know just in case

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  2. Don’t be so hard on yourself! Sometimes you can’t take care of everything and I totally understand how stressful studying can be at times. So be sure to keep going as much as possible and once you’re finished with your studies you can fully focus on your weightloss again! Don’t give up! I know how hard anatomy and stuff can be!

    Like

  3. Pingback: Life. – My Journey–One Day at a Time

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