-5.2

Yesterday I said goodbye to a best friend.

I cried. I hugged his mother and his sister and promised them that I would keep this incredible man alive by never letting the memories fade, and by allowing him to live on in my heart for as long as it still beats.

I loved him to the very depths of my soul.

He was the very best human being I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. He was loyal, kind, considerate, compassionate, and loving. In all the years I knew him (which equates to the majority of my life), he never said a bad word about anyone. Even during those crazy, young, impressionable periods of life in which boys are typically mean-spirited and both knowingly and unknowingly hurtful, he was not.

No matter what everyone else was doing or saying, he was living his best life, always—even though that often meant marching to the beat of his own drum.

He lived his best life until his very last breath.

And I love him all the more for it.

Yesterday, I watched his untimely death bring peace and healing to others in the most unlikely of ways.

As I hugged the boy of yesteryear that once deemed me “Tractor” and “Bulldozer,” I realized that time really does heal all wounds. As I watched my former friends, my former classmates, my former bullies and tormenters alike mourn the loss of the beautiful boy whose 24 years on this planet irrevocably changed my very existence, I swear to you I could physically feel my heart expand in my chest.

You can’t take past hurts along for the ride of life, or you will never make it—you’ll never survive it.

My friend taught me that.

Last night I drank too much beer. I chain smoked cigarettes with my friends. I laughed. I cried. I played a little air hockey.

This morning I went to Weight Watchers… and I lost 5.2 lbs.

I promise you I’m not going to waste my life anymore… waste my time.

165 lbs., here I come.

I miss you, Cory. I’ll miss you until the very last beat of my heart.

rachaelxoxo

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