First off, I want to say thank you for the incredible outpouring of support I received after my last couple of posts.
I’m figuring out how to move forward with my life. Somedays the darkness threatens to overwhelm me and almost completely consume me… and other days I laugh and giggle with my co-workers and my friends and the boys that I’ve been going out on dates with and everything is fine.
I haven’t been taking care of myself, though. I’ve been working myself to the point of exhaustion—I’m currently coming off a 12-day string of shifts in which no days off were to be had. When I’m not working I’m studying, going to class, volunteering… or drinking and partying—something I’ve admittedly been doing far too much of.
It’s definitely occurred to me that I’ve maybe traded some of my terrible food habits for some new terrible habits involving work, booze, bars, and men… but, alas, that’s another topic for another day. We’ll just shove that under the rug along with the rest of my psychological issues…
I bought a new Fitbit, so if you’re not friends with me, you should be! I’m trying hard to work on my fitness.
I jumped back on Instagram tonight and sent out an SOS to my 900+ followers, and I’m hoping there are still some people out there! I’ve decided I’m going to make myself get back into the habit of posting regularly on both Instagram and the blog! I always do better when I hold myself publicly accountable.
I’ve stocked up on healthy food again! Lots of fruits and veggies, low-fat/low-sugar yogurts and cheeses, lots of fish, protein shakes and bars, and a plethora of Weight Watchers products, too (that employee discount sure does help!). I have other stuff, too, but it’s after midnight and it’s just too much to remember. The point is, I have the most important tools I need to be successful again: healthy food!
My social media lives have officially collided. Tonight I saw that a boy I went to school with a decade or so ago follows me on my @myjourneyonedayatatime Instagram account. There was a brief moment of sheer panic when I saw that… But then I just thought to myself, “Screw it!” I am who I am. I have to start liking the person that I am. It’s not a secret that I was (and that I still am) a fat girl. It’s also not some great big secret that I work for Weight Watchers. I have to stop caring about my two “separate” lives intermixing.
So, what did I do once I had this big realization? I requested another couple of my “real life” friends from my WL Instagram. Go big or go home. The secret is officially out!
The scale has been going up and down for me—shocker, right? I don’t want to post my weight right now. I’m not ready to admit how badly I’ve fucked things up.
Just know that I’m back and I desperately need your help.
Thanks for always loving me for me. You’ll never know what you mean to me.